That’s my son Nick when he was fourteen and on the set of Married with Children. (The silicone-enhanced young lady on his arm was an actress who had appeared in the episode we had just watched taped.)
I love this photo. Look at the expression on Nick’s face. He looks so darn pleased with Life.
And why not? Nick and I had just flown to L.A. direct from a Spring break ski trip in Snowmass. He had just spent a month snowboarding his head off and then, for a rip-roaring early birthday present, we went to the set of his then-favorite show.
(New readers can read all about that adventure here.)
I found that photo as I was rummaging around looking for a picture of him at ten. I wanted a picture of him at that age to lead off this post because, today, I’m going back to the Pioneer Press archives to a column I wrote for them dated February 7, 1991.
Yep, I’ve a big dress box filled with ten years of old tear sheets. But don’t worry. I never recycle them for you guys.
But as I started reading this one, I couldn’t help but be struck by something.
So I’m going to share some of it with you now.
Again, don’t worry. You don’t have to read the photograph. I’ll transcribe- and slightly edit – it for you.
Here goes…
It is no secret that children on the North Shore are high achievers. For years I have been button-holed by parents who want to brag about these kids.
I’ve heard about football scholarships, academic grants, music fellowships, Presidential Achievement Awards, music fellowships and Annapolis appointments until I’m blue in the face.
But now it’s my turn.
And revenge is Nutrasweet. (I’m always on a diet.)
My son Nicky is a child prodigy. He lives only to perfect his craft.
I can proudly proclaim that I never have to nag or bribe him to practice his instrument. In fact, sometimes I have to remind him to eat or take a break from his arduous study program.
(I keep forgetting that a genius is not like other kids.)
Did Nicky exhibit prowess at the piano or a gift for the glockenspiel?
No.
Nicky Ross is- at age ten, can you believe it?- a master of Nintendo games.
My heart bursts with pride as he explores and masters each new game. His precocious understanding is only matched by his dedication. He can spend hours delving into the mysteries of Contra or T&C Surf Designs.
His dogged determination to master the subtle nuances of Wrecking Crew or understand the dark shadings of Gradius serves as an inspiration to us all.
As I watch his little face pressed up close to the television screen, I get all choked up. It’s so easy to imagine the brilliant career that will one day be his.
The first step on Nicky’s road to business glory will be a full scholarship to that prestigious academic institution- Nintendo University.
The campus, located in the heart of beautiful downtown Tokyo, will provide the inspirational zen setting for the arduous scholastic tasks that await every Nintendo U. undergraduate.
In pursuit of his degree, Nicky will be required to pass Wheel of Fortune, Donkey Kong Math, Sesame Street 1-2-3, Trojan and Wizards and Warriors.
He will also have to take AP courses in Back to the Future, Gauntlet, Double Dragon and Casino Kid.
And Nick’s physical education won’t be neglected, either.
Though he already has a black belt in King Fu, he will play Major League Baseball, Double Dribble and Blades of Steel. Mike Tyson’s Punchout will also be compulsory.
He’ll even get to serve his home country by participating in the R.O.T.C program.
One weekend out of every month, Nicky will have to land his F-15 fighter jet on the deck of a Navy aircraft carrier in Top Gun.
At the end of eight years- if Nicky successfully passes his oral exams in Jeopardy- he will graduate as a Master of Computer Arts.
Living with a child genius is not always easy. We’ve all had to make sacrifices.
Nicky’s right thumb and forefinger are twice as big as those on his left hand as a direct result of all those hours spent pushing the buttons on the control pad.
Sometimes I even have had to interrupt his homework because it’s time for him to brush up on Balloon Fight.
I’ve also had to turn a deaf ear to Nicky’s repeated requests for violin lessons. I’ve tried to explain to my heartbroken youngster that an accident with the violin bow could end his Nintendo-playing days forever,
But whenever I hear the heartwarming sound of those electronic beeps and get to see the thousands of points rolling effortlessly up on the screen, I am confident that my son is doing the right thing with his life.
He was born with a heaven-sent gift and it’s only natural that he wants to spend the rest of his life pursuing his dream.
Who am I to stand in the way of talent?
The End
Pretty tongue-in-cheek right? And kind of snarky and sarcastic, too. To say that back in the day, I despaired of his time-wasting, distracting-from-schoolwork, inane child’s play is an understatement.
Okay, fast forward to now.
Ahem.
In 2011 Nick got his Masters at Northwestern.
In Computer Information Systems.
He works for a company that makes apps for your mobile devices.
And this is the girl he married.
Nick hardly ever rubs it in.
Let’s just call it “Mother’s Intuition” and leave it at that, shall we?
No pithy comments, I just want bragging rights to be the first post and beating George.
You got it, Mitch! Really funny. Thanks, pal.
Hey, Ellen, what’s NU? Always fun to read your kvells about your family. For a moment, I thought you were going to write about aspartame, a dipeptide product developed at G.D. Searle & Co. in Skokie, Illinois … let me know if you (and your readers) want to hear the rest of the story. It’s one I’ve lectured about many times, given that I know Robert Mazur, one of the inventors.
(Good one, Mitch)
Well, I want to hear more about it. Perhaps you can come to Chicago and give a lecture? That would be sweet. Thanks, Doc.
The compound, L-aspartate-L-phenylalanine methyl ester had been made sometime in the ’50s in a Swiss pharmaceutical company, where it was required as an intermediate in the synthesis of some biologically important compound. In 1961 Mazur and his assistant Jim Schlatter also needed the same intermediate for their own drug development project at Searle. Somehow, two pieces of weighing paper got stuck together, and Schlatter wet his fingers to tease them apart. Not exactly great lab technique, and not anything that the Swiss would ever do. When Schlatter noticed the sweet taste, he told Mazur, who then recommended to management that they develop the compound as an artificial sweetener.
To be continued …
(But can you guess how much money the inventors made, in terms of personal wealth?)
Fascinating. (Though shouldn’t it technically be called “Swiss Miss?”). And I’m guessing 0 dollars. Thanks, REAL Child Prodigy.
Actually, Ellen, they got $1 apiece. Standard industry rate since the company that employs the inventors owns the invention.
So back to the story, the invention was patented, but languished in the regulatory pipeline for years. There was a concern about the compound hydrolyzing in the low pH environment of soft drinks (soda, pop, whatever, depending on what region you are from) — phenylalanine would be produced and that’s associated with something awful called phenylketonuria (google it for more information). Turns out, the problem was solved if phosphate was added to the drink, for just the right kind of buffering. Very technical, I know.
To be continued …
No, I like all this scientific stuff. It’s toning up the post. I never knew why my Seagram’s Diet Ginger Ale tasted so great. All this time I thought it was the can. Thanks, Doc.
Final installment …
So now it’s the mid-70s, and the period of patent protection — during which the company can make most of its money — is rapidly winding down. G.D. Searle & Co. hires some washed-up official from the Ford Administration as its new CEO, at an annual salary in the millions. He lobbies Congress, and Congress passes, a bill to extend protection for products that were held up during the regulatory process. Astute lawyers going through the fine print of the bill realize that there is only one product in the Universe to which it applies, and that product is Nutrasweet.
Bottom line — Searle makes a ton of money, and even spins off a separate company out of this.
My question to you: Who was the former Ford administration official?
Bonus — Searle felt guilty about the $1 per inventor remuneration, so they established a special in-house “inventor’s prize” worth $100K each. The first two recipients: Mazur and Schlatter! (and they even got a facsimile of the first page of the patent gold-plated and framed, suitable for hanging).
Easy one, Doctor. Especially in these neck if the woods. Donald “Rummy” Rumsfeld. My dad knew him.
You know how I love good snark.
Me, too. But this time it really backfired on me. Nick had the last laugh in the end. He’s made a career out of playing with the computer. Who would have thunk it possible back then? Thanks, Big K. See you soon. (And Bella Notte awaits you at the Silvio Dante table.)
As a fourteen year-old, I once rode my bike to school!!
I bet your parents were so proud.
Talk about “Bragging Rights”……
And I brag all the time that I know you. Thanks, Bernie.
Name of the actress with Nick?
I know it but Sally has sworn me to secrecy. Sorry, Herbie. (But don’t worry. Maybe Bill will bring her to next year’s Fourth of July at LSCC.)
Herbie,
I believe it was Phyllis Diller!!
Herbie, her name was Sandra Taylor.
Poor Herbie. I hope he’s not too disappointed.
It looks like that actress could be Jessica Hahn
She does look like her but her name is Sandra Taylor. She was in the episode called “Ride Scare” in Season 8.
Don’t sell video games short, some of these kids are video game stars. And they roll in some high dough!!
http://www.seattletimes.com/seattle-news/us-team-wins-18-million-prize-at-video-game-tournament/
I know! Who would have thought this possible? I’m going to retire and let Nick take care of me. Thanks for chiming in here, Dale. Nice clip.