Just a short post today, Dear Readers. I just don’t have the time.
I beg your indulgence. I didn’t know – but I bet (sadly) many of you did- that there is SO much to do after a parent dies.
Ever since the hospital called at three in the morning last week, my brother Kenny and I have been on a whirlwind tour of errands, phone calls and things to wrap up.
I don’t remember being this busy after my father passed away. Maybe because my mother was still alive and so much of the legal stuff etc. just reverted to her.
But this time, what a difference.
There is real estate to sell and de-clutter. There are banks, lawyers and stock brokers to visit. There are decisions to make about EVERYTHING from who gets the big screen televisions to what do we do with her handmade needlepoint tapestries?
(And if you know anybody in the market for a moody, sullen oil-painted portrait of Moo Moo, just let me know. We’re asking $1,000,000. OBO.)
And then there is the emotional exhaustion to deal with.
Eating? Eh. Not so much.
Sleeping? Fuhgeddaboudit.
Mourning? I’m too busy with the minutia of death and the pressures of making right decisions.
And then there are the photographs and letters.
Boxes and boxes of them- most unseen since childhood.
Some are great and bring back floods of happy memories.
Others? Not quite so much.
This picture opened up a whole can of conflicting emotional worms.
Sigh.
Scary feeling booby traps are lurking within every box, closet, photo album and stray envelope and I don’t have the energy to deal with them right now.
(Or maybe ever.)
Well, gotta go. My brother is picking me up and we’re off to meet with Fran, the lady who’s going to efficiently dispose of a lifetime of Moo Moo’s stuff.
Thank goodness I have Kenny.
He always makes it better.
Thank goodness we have Fran the declutterer!!
Yes, she saved the day. And you’d better save her card. You’re going to need her when I check out.
Ellen and Kenny, my continued sympathies. I went through the same five years ago,, except my parents were ill at the same time, and passed away six weeks apart. In the days that followed, I drew a great deal of strength … and not a few laughs either … from reading a book by Christopher Buckley called Losing Mum and Pup [the link is to a review in the New York Times]. Our family’s politics couldn’t be any further from the Buckley’s, yet there were so many parallels with the rest of their story, it was uncanny.
Your Mary Poppins clip brings to mind the fact that yesterday’s New York Times crossword puzzle had a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious theme. However, the most important crossword puzzle anyone should be doing these days, especially our representatives in Congress, has to be A Piece of Our Mind by yours truly and Christopher Adams. The subject matter is deeply distressing, and I know that puzzles are supposed to be fun, but then again, so should going to dance clubs to unwind.
One final thought about crossword puzzles and you. In today’s New York Times puzzle, 5-Across (5 letters) is clued as “The first Mrs. Woodrow Wilson.” Hint, the answer begins with E and it’s not EDITH.
What’s up? Kenny beat you to the “Punchlist” this morning. Her name was Ellen. And thanks, George. That was a good book about two very colorful characters. And thanks for the crossword link. I’ll get to it when I’m not de-cluttering.
I’m glad that you have each other too. Hang in there guys.
Thanks, Gary. Yes. A burden shared is a burden halved. And he always makes me laugh. Love to Tommy. 🐶
Ellen,
I am truly sorry for your loss. No matter how challenging your relationship was with your mother, it’s a new reality to be parentless. And it’s hard.
Take time to mourn. It’s healthy to get through and not save it for later. Again you have my deepest condolences.
Thanks, Sherry. And thanks for the good advice. You’re right, of course. As the “things to do” get checked off, I’m feeling the impact more and more. And the realization that, “Wow. I’m next.” A new role to assume. Love to all.
Very sorry for you loss Ellen. As you go through this trying time keep in mind we only get one father and one mother. Hold onto and cherish the good memories, let go of the bad ones. Take care of yourself my friend!!
Thanks, buddy. Good advice. I’ll endeavor to take it. Big storm last night. Hope you didn’t get caught in that one.
It’s interesting what you find in your parents’ home after they pass away.
I found out that my Mom was the Imelda Marcos of purses. There were hundreds of purses, many brand new, all over her home.
My Dad had a Medal of Honor from the Army hidden away. Who knew??
But Goodwill was the real winner. There were tons of clothes and household items that we gave to charity.
Since we are the next generation on heaven’s list, my wife Micki and I have already started de-cluttering our own home. It will make it much easier for our kids (and probably a lot less embarassing)!!
A Medal of Honor that he never mentioned? Wow. That must have come as quite a surprise.
Re your preemptive de-cluttering: Very nice. Kenny keeps trying to throw me away now! Thanks, Steve.
My prayers continue to be with you and your family. Six years after mom died, I am still making discoveries, and…. thirty-two years after dad died, I am just NOW beginning to crack the surface on his life (sad but true). God be with you…. You are in my thoughts…
Thank you so much, Michael. We’re trying to remember that Life is a marathon- not a sprint. Your good offices help.