In case you don’t recognize her, that’s the Wicked Stepmother from Walt Disney’s Cinderella.

When I saw the movie, Lady Tremaine’s cruel and unjust behavior toward poor Cinderella upset me terribly.  And naturally, the word “step-mother” became a hated and feared one.

Little did I ever imagine that I would become one.

At the age of twenty-four, no less.

When Bill and I got married, I inherited his three girls.

Julie was fifteen, Patti eleven and Amy nine.  And for the next twenty years, we learned how to become a new kind of family.

Patti and Amy both lived with us when they went to high school.  My two kids were two years old and four months old when Patti moved in.

We went through everything together- from diaper rash and toilet-training to prom and college visits.

And I was there when the three girls- my mother used to jokingly call them “The Andrews Sisters”- got married and had their own children.

Julie had two, Patti had four and Amy had two.

This is the point where I have to mention that the girls had a mother.

A very nice mother.

Who was never out of the picture and whom the girls love with all their hearts.

I was only the step-mother, but contrary to my childhood notion of the role, I was never evil or vindictive.  My step-daughters didn’t hate or fear me.

They were- and are- lovely women and they adored their little half-sister and brother right off the bat.  They didn’t have to feel that way but luckily, they did.

And the five kids are close to this day.

But my relationship with them changed when Bill and I were divorced.

Sad- but to be expected.

And then, when all his five kids were adults, Bill remarried.

The less said about that the better.

But for the purposes of this post, let me state that she was married to him when Natasha had Sam and Carly and when Nick had Hendrix.

Whew.

Which brings me to this article.

Did you see it?

Ask Amy: Stepmother claims biological relationship to stepchildren

By Amy Dickinson

April 24, 2018 at 12:00 AM

Dear Amy: I have two adult sons. Their father (my ex) remarried (to “Barbara”) several years ago.

Our family has now grown to include wonderful daughters-in-laws and grandchildren.

My boys’ dad and I get along well. We celebrate holidays, events and family milestones together.

What is baffling is that, increasingly, I run into people who have been told (or led to believe) by Barbara, that our sons and grandchildren are strictly her (biological) kin.

I’ve tried handling this in various ways with the astonished people who look at me like I am crazy.

And, frankly, it feels crazy, politely explaining that these beautiful men I raised and children who I’ve rocked and loved are indeed MY children and grandchildren.

My sons and their wives correct this on their own when they are confronted with comments from people who have said they’ve “run into your mother,” or how enjoyable it was “meeting your mother” and such — when people are actually referring to their stepmother.

Barbara never had children in her previous marriages, so I assume she is unaware of the deep personal bond between mother and child. It is not for the taking.

I’ve never discussed this directly with her, but this is getting harder to take. It’s like she tries to pretend that I do not exist.

How should I handle this?

Loving and Blessed

Check out Amy’s answer:

Loving and Blessed: If “Barbara” has been on the scene since the birth of these grandchildren, then, in my opinion, she should be granted full grandmother status. There is no rule that children must have only four DNA grandparents. In my mind, the more grandmothers, the better. Bring on the Grannies!

However, I can well imagine how the denial of your role as your sons’ mother rankles — both you and them.

Your sons could handle this effectively (and kindly) by saying to their stepmother, “’Barbara,’ ” we treasure you, but we keep hearing from people you’ve met that you have introduced yourself as our mother. It would be best if you made it clear that you are our stepmother. The reason is because we have a mom who raised us — and things get really confusing later if people don’t understand that she is our mother.”

Barbara might then come to you and ask if this is a problem for you — and you should be honest and say that it is.

WHAT!!!???

I understand this woman’s frustration.  After all, it’s just not TRUE.  This is fake family news.

“Barbara” is not these boys’ mother nor is she their children’s grandmother.

Again, let me reiterate.

There is nothing shameful or second-rate about being a “Step.”  Millions of families have them.

And what exactly does “being on the scene” have to do with anything? Grandmotherhood IS a matter of DNA- not wishful thinking.

I was “on the scene” when Julie, Patti and Amy’s kids were born. Was I ever these kids grandmother?  Did the relationship end with the divorce?  If I follow Amy Dickinson’s non-logic, I guess not.

It all boils down to this for me. Bill’s latest spouse has her own grandchild.  She is NOT- I repeat NOT- Hendrix and Sam and Carly’s grandmother.

I’ve looked at life from both sides now and I say “Barbara”- as well-intentioned and loving to those kids she may be- still is not their grandmother.

She can love them and babysit them and attend all their sporting events and dance recitals as she and her husband desire.  Kids can’t have too many interested parties in their lives.

BUT she can not pass herself off on unwary acquaintances as “Grandma.”  That’s hurtful and disrespectful to the real grandparents.

What do you think, Dear Readers?

(Only step-parents and former step-parents need answer.)