Tonight, as we all know, is Hollywood’s biggest night. And I am hereby preempting Ellen DeGeneres to announce the evening’s big winners- without any help from the accounting firm of Price Waterhouse.
I’m going on record because, as I watch the telecast, I want to have some real skin in the game.
Truth be told, I wrote this post two weeks ago. And I have scrupulously been avoiding any award buzz touting the favorites ever since. These are my picks and mine alone. They do not necessarily reflect the in-fighting, politicking or bad taste that Hollywood usually exhibits this time of year. I just went with my gut.
(And if any of you want to challenge me and cast your votes for your favorites, feel free to post your choices in the “comments” section below. Consider the gauntlet tossed!)
Okay, may I have my envelopes, please?
For Best Picture Of The Year: Gravity. Come on, guys. This should come as NO surprise. I loved this movie. Didn’t you read my rave post The G Spot?
And though Twelve Years A Slave is the politically-correct safe choice, I thought Gravity was the best reason to go into a movie theater this year. I’m not going to waste space- and your eyesight- recapping as to why I adored it so. It’s going to win tonight.
Ditto Alfonso Cuaron for Best Director. Did you know that he put in nine years patiently waiting for the special effects he dreamed up to be invented before he could shoot it? And only then could he bring us this fabulous cinematic tour de force. Ole, Senor Cuaron! Here’s your prize. You’ve earned it. (Said with the “John Houseman” inflection.)
Best Actor will go to Matthew McConaughey. Alright, alright, alright already. I get it. I saw Dallas Buyers Club– against heavy protest, I might add. I did NOT want to see it. I knew it was a Russian comedy. Everybody dies.
But I was humoring the guy who took me so…
OMG I was right. It was grim. Unrelentingly so. From the first scene- when MM is having joyless rodeo sex with two groupies in a bucking bronco chute- to the last frame, it was painful to watch.
But at least I got to see the Best Supporting Actor performance, too. Jared Leto- as the transvestite Rayon- was pretty impressive. He’s won everything else so it’s easy to predict that he is going to take home the big prize as well.
Best Actress? Cate Blanchett in Blue Jasmine. And no, I did not see it. After getting creamed in a divorce by a vengeful ex, I do not feel any burning need to watch another female victimized by an unscrupulous male.
And I won’t endorse Woody Allen at the box office any longer. Innocent or guilty, I think he’s a creep and his distasteful private life has ruined all my pleasure in his films.
Still, I don’t think Cate should be punished for his moral failings. The reviews of her performance were universally rapturous, so bring on her award.
I’ve saved the closest race until last. Best Supporting Actress will be… hmm this is a tough one but…
I’m going with Jennifer Lawrence in American Hustle. It’s tough, not because she doesn’t deserve it, but because she just won Best Actress Oscar for last year’s Silver Linings Playbook.
Well, the David O. Russell gang is back with an acting vengeance and they’re stronger than ever. If they gave out an Oscar for Best Ensemble Performance, this group would take all the gold.
Christian Bale, Bradley Cooper, Amy Adams and Robert De Niro all acted the bejesus out of this movie. But Jennifer Lawrence’s quirky and riveting performance as a “misunderstood” and neglected spouse of con man Bale sneakily stole the movie right out from under all their talented noses.
I will never be able to hear “Live And Let Die” sung without visions of Endust and mayhem dancing in my head. (And when she told that poor little boy who played her son that “Your father is a sick son of a bitch,” my jaw dropped with disbelief- and admiration.)
Give her the award, guys. You can do it.
Okay, there you have it. Time-stamped and for your consideration.
And now I’d like to take this opportunity to say “thank you” to all the people who made this moment possible.
Thank you to my producers and terrific crew. You’re super. I couldn’t have done it without you. And thank you to my fellow nominees. It was am honor just being in the same category with all you talented folks.
Oh no, Mr. Conductor. You’re not playing me off.
Thank you most of all to my wonderful fam….
Do I have to watch it?
Nope. This post just saved you four hours of your life.
My criteria for judging whether a movie meets or exceeds my expectations is whether or not I sleep or doze off during any part of the movie. After being initially wowed by the 3D effects of Gravity I found much of Bullock’s inner dialogue as anesthetizing as some of the drugs I use in the OR. In fact, as far as movies about stranded victims, I thought Wilson (the volleyball with the painted face on it) from Cast Away had more personality than the character here. As a side note, I thought the astronauts actually wear diapers under their space suits!!!
Cheap shots all, Doc. I agree her “inner dialogue” was lame, but the technical aspects and the fact that the hero was a woman more than outweighed that for me. And yes, I am quite familiar with your acid test. I’ve seen you asleep in movies and the legitimate theater before-many times. How well I remember “Stones in His Pocket” when you fell asleep on Mr. Goldblatt’s shoulder. Thus I will excuse you from picking your winners today. Was there any movie you did NOT sleep through in 2013?
E,
As I mentioned……………………………………….
before your Sunday Post……here are my picks:
1. Best Picture: 12 Years A Slave
2. Best Actor: Matthew
3. Best Actress: Cate
4. Best Supporting Actor: Jared
5. Best Supporting Female: Lupita
6. Best Animated: Frozen
7. Best Song: From Frozen (I think it name is “Let it be” but I think I’m incorrect
…and yes, we are all on first name basis – Ha!
Seriously! Gravity? Then I know they are oxygen deprived full time.
At last! A reader with the courage of her Oscar convictions. And let me add that I’m very impressed that you even saw Frozen. You’re on. And the loser has to buy the winner lunch!
I agree with Abs picks 1 thru 5. Since I don’t have little ones, I’ll go with Abbie’s other choices as I think she saw Frozen twice with the twins. Even though Gravity was at Telluride, I couldn’t bring myself to see it (too claustrophobic) but was thrilled to talk with George and Sandra (yes, we are on a first name basis!).
My other pick in one of most favorite categories not listed “Best Dressed”. That award will go to Lupita Nyong’o and best supporting award to Cate Blanchett.
I’m very impressed. And if I lose I’ll buy you lunch, too.
But what are you wearing tonight? I’ll be in Alexander McQueen, btw.
Gap and jewelry!!
And you’ll be mahvelous, darling!
Too many Hollywood libs telling me how great they are.
I hope there’s a ball game on tonight. If not, I’ll be watching my recordings of “Jeopardy” from the past week.
And the answer is “Who’s the biggest grinch on the planet?” Thanks, Bernie.
……and I’ll be wearing a SMILE!
Well at least now I understand why you saw Frozen. We shall see…
Ok girls. Congratulations. You got the big two. (I’m not counting Frozen.) I’m buying. Name the place and date.