Definition of baffle gate: A gate that permits passage in one direction only.
I must confess that since I moved back to Chicago, I don’t ride the subway/El very much. I find it claustrophobic. And I’m not all that keen on getting better acquainted with some of its more colorful clientele, either.
On the other hand, my brother Kenny feels that it has its place in city life. He frequently uses it and he has talked me into riding it on occasion.
Every once in a very blue moon, I can be coaxed on it. For an outing to Wrigley Field, for instance. But in the main, I am allergic to the El and I leave it strictly alone.
That’s because these Kenny-inspired trips are inevitably nightmares of waiting, slow progress and often no progress.
One afternoon last summer, Kenny coerced me into take a trip on the Purple Line. I had to get to Evanston, and he talked me into going to the Wellington Street station.
(I had wanted to Uber to the Ravenswood train stop, and from there, take the Northwestern train to Evanston. But Kenny was obdurate when he heard this plan.)
“Take the El, Ellen. It’s so much faster than your way. And you won’t have to wait as long.”
Wrong.
I was forced to wait for the next train- alongside an impatient CTA official- for nearly an hour and a half. And when the El did finally show up, it kept stopping. And when the train was actually moving, it was doing less than two miles an hour.
It reminded me of this.
This was so frustrating that I was sorely temped to jump out and just walk to my stop.
But my tale of mass transit woe didn’t deter Kenny. And when the right opportunity presents itself, he jumps on without a moment’s hesitation.
At least he tries to…
Notes From The Underground
A few weeks ago, Kenny went to his dentist in downtown Chicago. When his appointment was finished, he went to Uber home.
But Uber was having a surge.
Uber Sidebar: If you’re not familiar with the joys of Uber, read this. But as reasonable as their regular pricing is, a surge can make your trip double or triple the cost.
Forget that.
So Kenny ducked into the subway.
Since he didn’t have his Ventra card with him, he needed to buy a one way ticket.
As he approached the ticket vending machine, he was hailed by- in Kenny’s words- a bum who was hanging around the machine.
“Hey, man, how ya doing? Can I help you with that?” said the bum helpfully.
“No, that’s ok. I don’t have my card so I’m going to have to buy a one way ride.”
“I can help you out with that, man. Follow me,” said the bum waving Kenny away from the ticket machine.
WTF (?!?!)
Stranger Danger Sidebar: Would you follow this guy to a second location? Kenny did.
(Luckily for me or I wouldn’t have a post today.)
The bum led Kenny to the turnstile where he brandished a CTA Ventra pass. As he gallantly charged Kenny’s ride on what was undoubtedly a fake or stolen card, Kenny tossed him two bucks.
“Thanks. Go buy yourself a cup of coffee,” said Kenny as he passed through the iron arms.
Kenny saved a quarter and the bum got some spending cash.
So I guess it was a win win.
(Except if you’re Metra.)
Now let’s just hope Kenny’s life of petty crime doesn’t end him up here.
Bummer.
Who put the “el” into “Ellen”? You’ve picked just about my favorite movie clip of all time, referring to the one from “Sullivan’s Travels.” Here is another one, from “Ninotchka.” Comedy is hard.
Thanks for the comment, John L. I’m very glad that I Metra. The Girl In The Picture
Very interesting. Your brother has lots of courage.
I don’t think I’d recommend that you offer today’s blog to CTA as evidence of how you can promote its rapid transit service. But — you never know. Maybe they’re more open-minded than I imagine them to be.
No, I don’t think this post will be sent on to them. I don’t want Kenny’s card revoked.
I thought he was a CTA Good Will ambassador 🙂
I have just heard from the CTA and he was. You have just been awarded “Rider of the Year” and they look forward to your speech at the ceremony. Thanks, bro.
I must say that I took the El into Chicago from time to time long ago and still feel quite nostalgic about it. Having had that experience certainly added to my enjoyment of “Risky Business”! My Grandfather used to take the other “Wilmette” train into Chicago to work at the Chicago Tribune. I am not sure he ever owned a car. And of course my life in Paris always includes a monthly or weekly Metro Pass, also good on the busses, which I use more and more frequently; as much for the view as anything.
Ah, yes. “Risky Business.” A terrific little movie with a very steamy El scene. Lana and I differ in our points of view, I must say. Le Metro? It sounds way more romantic to me. Merci beaucoup, mon ami.
The metro in Paris does have a bit more character than the El in Chicago; at least when one is inclined to appreciate it. Modern technology has altered the experience though. Back in the 1980’s I could strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to me; conversations that sometimes ended when one of us departed and sometimes ended with lunch or a museum visit. More recently everyone has something plugged into their ears and is either talking on the phone, listening to music or lost in some other rite of passage. At least the people I meet in the museums are more frequently devoid of electronic distractions. However, I too have changed and spend more time reading or observing than talking; except of course when I am with friends. That experience continues to delight.
Ou sont les neiges de d’antan? Mais plus ca change…
Ah! François Villon !! Un poète modern du XVème siècle !
J’aime cette description. Les mots justes. And thanks, Jay. You’ve added a certain “je ne sais quois” to my post about mass transit.