Breakfast in Bed

Author’s Note:  On behalf of the entire Roffe family- my mother, my brother Kenny and my sister-in-law Mary Lu, and our children- Natasha and Zach Tofias, Nick and Melissa Ross, Greg and Ashlee Roffe, Andrew Roffe, Matthew Roffe, and the great-grandchilden Eliza, Susannah and Delia Roffe, please let me say “thank you” to all of you.  We have been overwhelmed by the outpouring of your kind emails, comments, condoling letters, good wishes and prayers on the occasion of my father’s death.

We shall never forget your compassion and words of cheer and wisdom.  Again, thank you one and all.

And now for a complete change of pace…

Second Author’s Note:  The following post is entirely fictional.  Any resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental- and will be worked on in therapy.

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Dear Mom/Dude,

We decided to write today’s post for you so you could take the day off.  It’s our Mother’s Day gift to you.

First, let us start by saying that even though we live in Boston and Los Angeles now, we miss you and wish you were here.  We both just built on “mother-in-law” apartments and we’re fighting over who gets you as a houseguest.  (Btw,we are super jealous when you stay with the other one.)

We realize that if it wasn’t for your deep insight and profound understanding of our different characters we probably wouldn’t live where we so happily now do.

Your unselfish insistence that we spread our wings and go off to sleep away camp and boarding school facilitated this quest to find our “spiritual” homes.

And even though now you are really old and completely alone, you hardly ever cry out, “What about me? Don’t leave me to die among strangers!”

You are our hero.

Thank you.

And while we’re on the subject of “thank you’s” this Mother’s Day, we also should say thanks for the great example you set for us through the years.

Your gallant recovery coming back from a grievous ski accident- coupled with your fearless determination- stands as a benchmark by which we measure ALL future acts of physical courage.

Your behavior was a revelation and an inspiration. No one ever had a braver mother.

Or a funnier one.

We are your biggest fans.  No matter how slammed we are, Letter From Elba is the first thing we read every Thursday and Sunday.

ALL else- spouses, in laws, beloved pets, work, riding, surfing, biking, hiking, sailing, windsurfing, skurfing, wake boarding, boogie boarding, snowboarding- goes on hold, as we breathlessly read whatever hilarious and/or poignant post your delicious creativity has dreamed up.

Tina Fey is good, but you’re WAY better.

We also wanted to say that you are not only our favorite writer but our favorite parent. No contest.

What does all Dad’s money mean when compared to the love and wisdom that only you possess?

True, he treats us with swanky trips to Florida, pricey holidays in Hawaii, costly safaris in Africa, “glamping” in Montana, and he gifts both of us with tax-deductible cash- to the maximum permitted annually by the IRS.

But all that pales in comparison in the face of just one of your smiles.

(Oh, and just for the record- Cruella is much fatter and older than you.)

We close now by saying that you are the greatest mother that ever lived on earth–  and we will be naming all our future children after you.

With love, respect and deep gratitude,

Natasha and Nick

P.S.  When are you moving out full-time to Boston or Cali?  Can’t wait!