Cumberbitch

Tonight season three of PBS’s Sherlock has its American debut.  If you missed seasons one and two, this is a post-modern retelling of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s masterworks about the Great Detective. Brilliantly written by Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss of Dr. Who fame, this is best thing from Britain since the Beatles.

The premise is smart.  Sherlock Holmes and his BFF, Dr. John Watson- winningly played by Martin Freeman- now inhabit today’s London and have to deal with contemporary problems.  But Mr. Holmes is aided and abetted not only by his fabulous powers of deduction and observation, but by the Internet, smart phones, surveillance cameras, text messages, blogs (!) and forensic DNA.

All the mod cons- as they say across the pond.

It’s terrific- and you don’t have to be a Baker Street Irregular to enjoy it.

The writing is sharp.  The added effects- like the text messages printing out on your telly screen- are nifty and the acting ensemble superb.

Oh and one more thing.

I am in love with Benedict Cumberbatch.  The guy who plays Sherlock.  (In case you didn’t have a clue.)

If you’ve been under a cultural rock lately, 2013 was really BC’s year.  He was Khan in Star Trek into Darkness, Julian Assange in The Fifth Estate, plantation owner William Ford in 12 Years A Slave, the necromancer and the dragon Smaug in The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, and Little Charles in August: Osage County.

He was awarded the coveted Olivier Prize for his stage work in Frankenstein and was cover boy on GQ and Time Magazine, no less.

And 2014 looks equally thrilling.  BC is going to play cryptographer/computer genius Alan Turing in The Imitation Game and he will be doing (what else?) Hamlet in the London’s West End.

Of course.

How do I love him?  Let me count the ways.

In the beginning there was The Voice.  So sonorous.  Think Alan Rickman at the bottom of a well.  One journalist called it “a jaguar hiding in a cello.”  High-falutin’ accent, too. (After all, he is an old Harrovian.)

Eyes?  Although they look steely and ice blue, I did read somewhere that he has heterochromia- irises of two different colors.  I can live with that.

The hair?  Lots of it and dark auburn.  Right in my wheel house.

Height?  Six feet.

Age? Born on July 19, 1976.

Again, right in my wheelhouse.  Hey, he’s a jaguar, I’m a cougar.  Wanna make something of it?

In short, tall, handsome, insanely talented, brainy, sexy and very gainfully employed.

But that’s not why I’m in love with him.

I am in love with him because he’s just so great OFF-screen.

Witty, self-deprecating, whip smart, thoughtful, modest and kind.

I’ve seen interview after interview with him and have seen him unscripted and off the French cuff.  And he’s invariably fabulous.

No matter how loud the girls in the audience scream, he looks positively abashed, amused and humble all at the same time.

Recently I caught him on YouTube when he was on a British television talk show tour promoting Star Trek.  He and Chris Pine- whose fans are called “Pine Nuts”- were guests on Graham Norton’s chat show.

The audience kept shrieking and wailing and they wanted to get up close and personal with these matinee idols.  Such a huge, estrogen-fueled reaction was a little daunting- even to this viewer at home.

But Benedict was not put off.  I watched as he got up from the couch and fearlessly went into the BBC studio audience to hug the fans who had traveled from far-flung Hong Kong or Japan or weathered horrible bus trips from Germany just to see him in the oh-so-elegant flesh.

This impressed me- and Chris Pine, too.  (Who did NOT follow suit, btw. He remained safely anchored to the sofa.)

BC also took a moment to address the term “Cumberbitch”- the name of his legion of female fans.  He stated for the record the he much preferred the more PC term “CumberCollective” instead.

Sorry, old chap.

I prefer “Cumberbitch” and I will be one until the end of time.

Or at least until the right guy comes along who wants to join the “Ross Roster.”

Or who is an “Ellenfan-(t.)”

Or is “Ellenbed.”

All applicants reply here.

Not you, BC.  You have an honourary lifetime membership.

See you tonight, Sherlock.

(Dare I say it’s Ellen-mentary?)