Destination Gobi

Love washes in like the tide

soothing the parched sand

Tiffany Shoshanna Seliggmann

and

Harrison Schuyler Wilson

invite you to share in the

happiness as they are united in marriage

on Saturday, the twenty-second of September

two thousand and twelve

at five o’clock p.m.

The Gobi Desert, Mongolia

Hosted by the bride’s father and stepmother,

Bill and Pam Seliggmann

R.S.V.P.  to Tiffany at Idratherbeinnaples@gmail.com

 

Merde.  And so it begins.  Again.  The destination wedding.  There’s simply nothing I detest more, darlings.

All that dreary effort to get there.  All that awful expense.  And in order to make it special and personal and “all about them,” these silly little brides and grooms scramble all over themselves to find the most exotic, unique and out-of-the-way places to hold these affairs.

“All about them” is right.  Whatever happened to the old-fashioned concept of showing the guests a good time?  These spoiled children never seem to consider the older generation anymore, do they?

Bien sur, it’s too shame-making, but I have to admit it, darlings.  When my son Remington got married, he and Penelope tied the knot in Tierra Del Fuego.  But that was quite different. That was a once-in-a-lifetime travel adventure, and I’m sure that our more financially-challenged friends truly appreciated the unique opportunity.

However else would they ever have gotten to see where the Argentinian Air Force launched raids on the Falklands?

I mean that was historic, darlings.

And I love the bride-to-be.  I’m her mother Vanessa’s oldest and dearest friend.  I have known Tiffany her entire life.  I wouldn’t dream of missing her wedding.  Nessie would be simply devastated.  And, apres tout, they did come to Remington and Penelope’s.  Helas. Such is life.  Count me in.

The first thing I have to do is book a flight.  Fabulous, there’s a direct flight on Korean Air from O’Hare to Southwest Genghis Khan Airport and it takes just nineteen hours and forty-five minutes. And it only costs $1871.  Quelle bargain- and think of all those frequent flier miles I shall receive!

Now for a pied-a-terre.  I see there’s the Ramada Ulaanbatar Citycenter close to the monastery and the National Railway Museum.  What luck!  And I can use my Club Ramada points.

I see in the guidebook that one can do some fascinating sightseeing -in between all the many divertissements I know that Bill and Pam will have planned for us.  If there’s one thing I die for, it’s a good railway museum.

And guest parking at the hotel is complimentary.  Tres bien.  At least I won’t have to pay to valet park the Bactrian camel they’ll reserve for me at the airport.  (I gather camelback is the only way to travel over there, darlings.  Simply the only way.)

Still one does have to tip every time they bring the damned camel around.  What a complete waste of yuan.

Now what to pack?  I spoke with Pam, Tiffany’s too too enchanting stepmother, and she told me that the ceremony is being held in a cunning yurt overlooking some ravissant bare rock face.  She also pointed out that Gobi weather can be a little sketchy that time of the year.  It’s been known to go from 122 in the shade down to -40 in a two hour period.

Hmm.  Yurt, yurt, what does one wear in a yurt, darlings?  I think I’ll take my new Dolce and Gabbana boucle mini dress, Bogner ski jacket, Under Armour compression leggings and Roger Vivier lizard pumps.

And my “Catherine Deneuve” Hermes sac of course.  That goes with anything, n’est–ce pas?

There, my ensemble for the wedding is chosen.  But where’s the prenuptial dinner to be?

I’d better email Tiffany.

From Ellen Ross: Subject: Prenuptial dinner?

Tiffany darling, Can’t wait to join you all in the desert. Mongolia will be simply a dream this time of the year.  Question, love.  What’s your mother wearing to the prenuptial dinner?  Where’s it to be?  Ciao, Tante Ellen

From Tiffany Seliggmann: Subject: Prenuptial dinner?

Hey, El.  So glad you’re joining us.  The prenup is going to be at Langfei! a sick karaoke bar right on the main drag in Bulgan.  It’s only 166 miles from your hotel and the caravan has already been booked.  My mother won’t be joining us.  We’ve kept the guest list down to close friends and immediate family only.  Can’t wait for the big day!
See you soon.  XOXO Tiffany

Oh, mais naturellement.  Too too silly of me to think that Tiffany would include her mother.  She must still be mortified, poor lamb, about the “incident”at Remington’s wedding three years ago when Nessie overdid the Veuve and called Pam a whoremonger to her poor lifted face.

And, as I recall, didn’t Vanessa have a teensy little liason with that young itinerant Chilean sheep farmer who accidentally wandered into our authentic Fuegan wedding granero?

Nessie’s behavior was too shame-making.  She practically ruined  dear Remington’s wedding.  And why should Tiffany have to worry on her special day, n’est-ce pas?

I hate to be disloyal, darlings, but au fond, what did Vanessa ever really do for Tiffany? And Tiffany was only twenty-six when her father remarried, poor lamb.  Think of how she must have needed a new mother.

But somehow, I am feeling the teensiest bit bad for naughty naughty Nessie, but… there I’m over it.

Time to start thinking about the wedding present.  I’ll check out their wedding site.  I’ll go to their wedding website: TiffanyandHarrison4evah.com

Voila!  “In honor of their wedding, Tiffany and Harrison request that donations be made to StopGlobalWarming, Clinton Climate Initiative, Heifer International, Rwanda Aid, Nothing But Nets, World Vision Haiti, or The John and Carol Walter Center for Urological Health.  They’re also registered at Crate and Barrel.”

So many worthy causes.  But I’m going to buy them that spectacular knife block they registered for.  So romantic.

I’d better check on attire for the post-wedding Sunday brunch.  I know it will be lavish and tres special.  Apres tout, one is traveling thousands of miles just to be with the little loves.

Just got another email from Tiffany.

Tiffany: Subject: Sunday brunch Update

Hey gang, my folks are scaling back expenses.  The post-wedding brunch is cancelled because of a sudden downturn in Pam’s escort service due to vice raid.  You’re on your own, guys.  I suggest the railway museum tour.  Sure you understand.  Only 32 days to go!  See you there. XOXO Tiffany

No brunch?  Quelle dommage.  Thank heavens, Beijing is only 898 miles away.  I’m sure one can find some divine dim sum somewhere.

I’d better pack the Garmin GPS and rent an extra camel.  I simply must brush up on my go-to karaoke song now.

Mamma mia, here I go again
My my, how can I resist you
Mamma mia, does it show again
My my, just how much I’ve missed you  

See you all at the Ramada.  A bientot, darlings.