MY POINT OF VIEW
Congratulate me, Dear Readers. This month marks my two year dating anniversary with TBF.
It’s been a very happy two years. TBF is a dream come true.
Tall, handsome, smart, funny – and willing to date someone his own age. This guy is a catch and I was lucky to find him.
In the past two years, I have gotten the opportunity to really know him. And guess what?
He’s perfect. We are as happy as two grown people can possibly be and I wouldn’t change a single thing about him.
I might make a few tweaks, though.
Like…
1. His haircut. He’s lucky enough to have hair. Can’t he find a barber who won’t shave him so that he resembles Jack Webb in The D.I.?
2. His terrible menu indecision. (The last we went to dinner, he see-sawed back and forth so much between two entrees that the waiter finally took the bull by the horns and made the choice for him.)
3. His stubborn refusal to play golf.
4. His scary food addictions. (He has an all-consuming passion for butter, eggs, salt, chocolate, ice cream, bread, chips, coffee and beer. I worry about these unhealthy eating habits. I don’t want to start the man hunt all over again.)
5. His total disdain and avoidance of the sci-fi movie genre. The Martian and Gravity were terrific. He refused to see them. But he’s got another think coming if he believes that I’m going to see Ready Player One with Nick as soon as it opens.
6. His cellphone addiction. What can I say? He’s never off the damn thing. He’s always reading it. I bet he’s reading this on it right now.
Other than that, I have no complaints.
So Happy Anniversary, sweetie.
Here’s to two more.
EQUAL TIME
Hi, all. TBF here and thought it was about time you heard my side of the story. I have been dating Ellen- your favorite blogger- for two years. And for the past two years, I have kept quiet.
Until now.
Yes, I think she’s pretty and smart and funny. That’s what attracted me to her.
But get this.
She’s not as pretty and smart and funny as she thinks she is.
She’s useless as a babysitter and completely unacquainted with housework of any kind. She wouldn’t know a dust mop if it bit her on her woefully-underdeveloped rear end. The vacuum cleaner weighs more than she does, and as far as doing the dishes goes? What- and ruin that manicure?
Get real.
I’ve never known a woman more demanding. Fancy dinners, roses, Friday and Saturday New York Times crossword puzzles. Have you seen the price of a NYT lately? Ouch.
And can she nag. She’s on my case all day long. “That’s too much butter.” “You don’t need all that salt.” “Another cookie?” You get the picture.
And what’s with this obsession with hamburgers? Do I always have to take her to Superdawg and Beinlich’s?
And why won’t she play chess with me? I have tried to teach her again and again but she insists on Crazy 8’s.
I have never seen a woman get mad faster than she does. I want some peace and quiet at my age but all I have to say is,”Dear, I’ve got something to tell you that you probably won’t like…” and she hits the ceiling. She goes from zero to sixty in a nano-second. I ask you, is this awful or what?
And can’t a guy get a good home-cooked meal every once in a blue moon? And help me out, guys. Is is true that it’s against religious and dietary laws for Jewish women to cook on Sundays? Do we always have to go out to get Chinese? Ellen says the Torah says so.
Happy Anniversary, Dear.
Ellen — TBF is just perfect. I agree with him about everything, especially his desire for a “home-cooked mean,” whatever that is. His diet and mine appear identical, although I’d like corned-beef hash with my three/egg cheese omelet. But he really shouldn’t complain about your “woefully undeveloped “rear-end,” if that’s what you have. The polar opposite of that ain’t so pretty.
Now pass me the Week in Review section and the Sunday Magazine, please.
Bless you, Jack! You found a typo and I’ve fixed it. Sometimes I just don’t catch them. You do sound like a kindred breakfast spirit, too. I’m all about curbed beef hash and he’ll see that omlet and raise you anytime. And here you go. I’m reading the Style section.
Make mine an “omelet” with “corned beef hash” please. “Curbed beef” might mean thete’s a parking ticket somewhere. As for typos, my Facebook page says I’m torn between correcting the grammar of others and my need for friends.
That’s why o shan’t correct it, Jack. I want friends- and readers. (Actually, I’m still sleepy.)😴
Hey 810,
Don’t worry about the eggs and coffee, and the chocolate if it’s dark. They’re good for you now! I tried to find positives about butter, but could only find that it’s better than margarine……
824
Thanks, 824. That’s what HE’S always telling me! TBF said this is the best comment he’s ever read. Love, 810
Don’t you think its time to meet your 3 year clones?
Fabulous blog kiddo
By the way-you looked great last time we had lunch. TBF wears well
Luv ya
You’re right, Jess. I think the four of us should get together. I suggest we meet in Schaumburg. It’s halfway between you guys and us guys. And thanks for the compliment. You always look dashing. ❤️🥂
PS I’m out of Mallomars.😢
Ellen:
You know how truly fond I am of you. We first met at the most difficult part of your life. But over the years, you have been a kind friend, a supporter and a dear friend to my sister. And although I am not as avid a reader of your blogs as I used to be, you have given me many early mornings of enjoyment and topics to think about. You also make me think of memories from my youth, despite the very slight age difference. However, TBF has his points. Some of your complaints (and you know what a foodie, including health effects) are a little out of date. I’d love to have that conversation with you. On the other hand, if you can’t cook (some people don’t have that gene ), why can’t he cook? It’s unlikely neither of you are missing that gene). I’m the worst of cases, I can give you three or four dinners that are too easy for anyone to screw up. It’s all in the ‘want’. The NYT’s is simply a financial issue. Some people can not afford it. However, with your skill set, the local papers have little to offer…even in the crossword puzzles. And point out that doing those puzzles pushes off that inevitable mental slow down…although you are too young to be very worried about that.
As for the other things, both of your blogs read like a chapter out of that pop psychological bible: “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”.
All I can say is that if you genuinely LIKE each other, and are not just IN LOVE, the rest is just talk. Best of luck. You know I cheer you both on.
Thanks, Scott. You had me at “dear friend.” You lost me at “ I’m not as avid reader of your blog…” why the hell not?! But thanks for your good wishes. PS I can cook. I just don’t feel the need to show off all the time. 😊
Oh Ellen, this is the best of the best! Since I know both of you I find this to be true and delightfully entertaining. You are a match in my book (as if that matters) thank you for making me smile first thing in the morning.
Thank you, Cathy! And you bet your good wishes matter. You and your sister are a big reason I’ve stuck with it these past two years. TBF says hi to you. Looking forward to a reunion this summer. ❤️👍
3 observations and 1 fact:
Best passive aggressive blog ever.
Good thing you don’t want to change anything about him (read big time sarcasm here).
My vote is with TBF.
Religious fact: The Torah specifically states that for Sunday dinners (and 6 other days of the week), “Thou shalt only make reservations.” This law is one of the reasons that when women are in the Synagogue they kiss the Torah!
Thank you, Steve. REALLY funny. Thanks for my morning laugh. TBF appreciates your support. 😁
As Dr. Frankenstein said”: Look! It’s moving. It’s alive. It’s alive… It’s alive, it’s moving, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, it’s alive, IT’S ALIVE! TBF lives. And he’s funny. And has wonderful food tastes but for his Superdawg and Bienlichs limitations. What’s’ wrong with eating there all the time? Next time Ribs, Steve, you and me get together for lunch make sure TBF comes(to Beinlichs of course).
Thanks, Mitch. Hope you’re recovered and yes, I think we 5 should have a summit meeting. 😊👍
I’m a #3-#6 guy, so I’d say he’s more than perfect. Very lucky for both of you. Time for another hamburger lunch.
Thanks, Fred. To me you are a perfect 10 friend. And yes. We will make a plan. 🍔😊👍
You have probably seen this, but…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XjUFYxSxDk&t=13s
I hadn’t seen it before, Barry. Brilliant. Thank you. 😊👌