Law School

This post is dedicated to Mitch Klein.  Attorney and film buff.  One of the good guys.

Let me state for the record that I hate lawyers.  No, let me re-phrase.

I DETEST lawyers.

Anyone who has been through a long, drawn-out, ugly divorce trial knows exactly how I feel.

But the death of the beauteous Barbara Hale last week got me reminiscing.  And since I’ve sworn to tell the truth here, when I was a kid, I loved television shows and movies about lawyers.

Let’s take a look at the evidence, shall we?

Exhibit A.

The Defenders.  

Three fine actors and a darn good script.  I never missed this show when I was a pre-teen.

When I grew up, I still liked lawyer shows.

Exhibit B.

L.A. Law.

L.A. Law Sidebar: I spent a few days on the set back in the eighties.  Bill and I had lunch with Jill Eikenberry, Michael Tucker and Corbin Bernsen.  Before the lunch date, I coached Bill a little about proper “famous people” etiquette.

“I know you don’t know who these people are because you never watch the show.  But you might recognize Corbin Bernsen from Major League.  Just don’t say, ‘You look familiar. Where do I know you from?’  Okay?”

He agreed and we went to the studio commissary to have our lunch meeting.

The three stars walked in and sat down at our table.

Corbin took one look at Bill and said, “You look familiar.  Where do I know you from?”

WTF?!

Bill grinned in triumph.  (It turned out we had all been at the Regency Hotel in New York City the week before and Corbin and Bill had worked out at the same time in their fitness room.)

Exhibit C.

I watched some of David E. Kelley’s The Practice, too.  Never got obsessed with it but I thought it was pretty darn good.

I didn’t just confine my viewing to American lawyers.  I spent plenty of time with barristers in London, too. Here’s the greatest.

Exhibit D.

That’s the dazzling Leo McKern bringing to life the brilliant John Mortimer’s character- Rumpole of the Bailey. If you don’t know him, commit some petty crime and get thrown in the jug. Horace Rumpole- after has had a few too many glasses of his beloved cheap claret, “Chateau Fleet Street” at Pomeroy’s Wine Bar- will be happy to get you off.

(After he has eaten another unhealthy fry up dinner, smoked one too many cheroots and escaped the clutches of Hilda- “She who Must Be Obeyed”- his very disillusioned wife.)

And now, if it please the court, let us turn our attentions to the silver screen.

I loved movies about lawyers, too.

Let’s start with a rip-snorter.  And we shall stick with the wigs.

Exhibit E.

Charles Laughton chews up the scenery- and the witnesses- as Sir Wilfrid in Witness for the Prosecution. But surprise after surprise occurs in this proper English courtroom.  If you’ve never seen this Billy Wilder gem, you are hereby confined to house arrest until you watch it.

Exhibit F.

Here’s Charles Laughton again.  But this time, he’s a malevolent- and lecherous- judge.

The Paradine Case.  Not one of Hitchcock’s greatest but some damn fine courtroom scenes.

Coming back to the good old U.S.A. brings us to one of the best lawyer movies ever.

Exhibit G.

This movie has everything.  Jimmy Stewart, Lee Remick, Ben Gazzara, George C. Scott all acting their brains out. Eve Arden and Arthur O’Connell slyly pilfering their scenes. And perhaps, the greatest piece of stunt casting of all time.

Take another look at the judge.  If you don’t know who he is, he’s Joseph Welch.  The chief counsel for the United States Army while it was under investigation for communist activities in the Fifties.

“Have you no sense of decency, sir?” Attorney Welch famously asked Joe McCarthy.

Here’s the dramatic courtroom scene from REAL life.

And now let’s give the Portias their day in court.

Exhibit H.

That’s Glenn Close in her power suit advising her handsome client, Jeff Bridges.  Doesn’t she look like she’s got it together?
Hmmm… It’s dangerous to assume facts not in evidence.

Exhibit I.

Cher in her power suit. Maybe she should have deposed Glenn Close before she agreed to prosecute this case?

Which brings us to Exhibit J.

Wow! Debra Winger- in her power suit- wins her case.

And gets her man!

That’s progress.

I could cite evidence of great lawyer movies all day long.  The Verdict, Inherit the Wind, A Few Good Men, To Kill a Mockingbird all have moving courtroom scenes.

But as a battle-scarred veteran of Divorce Wars, I have to find in favor of this client.

Exhibit K.

Look at this sleazeball divorce lawyer (redundant, I know) in action.

I LOVE this movie. The Coen brothers get time off for good behavior for this one.

Clever writing, adorable acting, a fun-filled revenge plot, a commentary on California’s 50-50 divorce settlements, Intolerable Cruelty has it all.

(And you don’t have to be divorced to like it.)

In summing up, Your Honors, I’d like to end my closing argument with this piece of evidence.

See you in court.