I was a Johnny-come-lately to the social media phenomenon known as Facebook. I just wasn’t interested in joining any on-line group that would have me as a member.
(Thanks, Julius.)
I couldn’t get excited about it. I needed live interaction.
My last husband, The Kid, introduced me to MySpace. He had been a very early member, and it was good promotion for his band. He networked with other musicians on it, got gigs, kept in touch with friends and even found and auditioned singers through its pages.
He wanted me to join up.
Uh, no.
Back in 2003, this was state-of-the-art social media. No one had heard of Twitter, and Facebook was just for college kids.
Or so I thought.
Little by little, I noticed that my peers were going on it and “friending” people like mad. They were putting up vacation pix and kid photos, and it started to dawn on me that FB was not just for sophomores anymore.
But still I didn’t join it.
My life wasn’t in that hot condition. I had zero impulse to broadcast my personal news all over the internet.
Au contraire. I wanted to keep a low profile. There was nothing remotely envy-making about the shape I was in, and even I’m not that good of a spin doctor or image consultant to craft a whole new persona for the virtual world to admire.
I wasn’t taking expensive vacations, my real estate holdings had gone bye bye as payment for the court battle with Bill, the kids weren’t that adorable anymore. There were no grandchildren- at least none that I knew about.
What the heck would I want to be on FB for?
I got the answer in 2012.
The first thing the book agents told me- one minute after they read my book proposal- was to get a social media presence.
ASAP.
(Facebook and Twitter being at the top of their short list.)
This was mandatory. Self-help was the new name of the book promotion game, and if I wanted them to buy my book, they were going to have buy me as a prepackaged name brand.
Sigh.
I reached out to my IT guy. My son, Nick.
“What’s up, Dude?” he answered my SOS call.
“I need to go on Facebook and Twitter pronto. Can you help me?”
“I’m not surprised, Dude. You’ve got to market yourself. Yep. I’ll hook you up. Meet me at my office. We can go to dinner after.”
So I met him there, and he proceeded to take a hasty picture of me- posed against a neon lime green wall. Then he set me up with the two accounts.
“What do I do now?” I asked him.
“I don’t spend any time on Facebook. I don’t know…”
But no sooner had the word left his mouth than I got a FB message. Someone had just “friended” me within a minute of me going live.
Nick and I both stared at the computer screen.
That was only the beginning. It wasn’t a deluge- more like a small stream at first- but little by little, people were responding to the fact that I was now on Facebook.
“There you go,” said my son. Let’s eat.”
“But what do I do with it? How do I market Letter From Elba? What do all these buttons and icons mean?”
“Go home and play with it. You’ll figure it out. You’re smart. And if I were you, Dude, I’d just jump into Twitter. But don’t be a hog.”
“What? What does that mean? I’m scared of Twitter! What if I tweet something and it causes a furor?”
“Don’t worry about that, Dude. No one is following you. Just play around with it and you’ll get the hang of it. I’ve got confidence in you. You’re good at things like that.”
Oy vey is meir. (How many Twitter characters is that?)
This wasn’t exactly the tutorial that I was hoping for.
I’m going to leave Twitter for another post. Nick was right, however. I do love it- and no, I don’t tweet what I just ate for lunch.
But Facebook was a whole other ball of wax.
It was as if I had opened Pandora’s box and all sorts of things flew out.
The Upside: Photos of people I hadn’t seen for eons. It reunited me with some old friends and let me catch up with new additions in the way of wives and babies.
Little kids I once knew who had grown up- and now had little kids of their own. This was really fun.
FB became one long class reunion and caught me up with people I hadn’t seen for a long time.
And I’ve cyber-met new friends. And that’s been a blast.
The Dark Side: It popped up photographic evidence of things I wish I had never seen.
(Again, I’ll save that for a rainy day.)
But the real downside of Facebook was that it was so phony. A child could see that people were expected to “like” your lamest, most-self indulgent, self-referential posts.
Your Facebook friends knew the drill when you put up photos of your:
1. Pets- especially cats
2. Grandchildren
3. Aged parents
4. Preferably a photo with all three.
It was then that I learned that there were two kinds of “likes” in the world. Real ones- and Facebook “likes.”
Anniversaries, brand new babies, family reunions- all lovely life events. But not unique, or indigenously special in any way.
I started to notice the FB abusers. Here was their rationale:
If these life events happen to you, they are no big deal. But if they happen to me, well that’s different.
That’s special.
You all know who I mean. The people who put up every event- in real time, no less.
The party, the outing with little Pierpont, the trip to the Cape. The luncheon, the three year old’s kazoo recital, the cute thing their grandkid just said.
And people actually “like” this drivel.
(Or at least they know the drill. Hit the “thumbs up” button and everything is right in the FB alternate universe.)
Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve done my share of FB posting.
Twice a week, my latest Letter From Elba goes up and people read it on Facebook.
Or don’t.
Sometimes they “like” it.
Sometimes they don’t.
But I’ve learned to take both the compliments and the pans with a big grain of salt.
It’s Facebook, after all. Not reality.
All my friends know my take on the sham that is Facebook. I have complained long and loud about what hooey it all is.
Facebook is a shallow, time-wasting construct where the honesty never lives. I never take anything I ever see on it to heart.
Until last week.
On one of the sites which I enjoy- “You lived on Chicago’s North Sh0re if you remember…”- a very cute guy from New Trier High School posted: “Ellen, we were in the same class. Don’t think we knew each other. Took a look at your graduation photo. One of the best looking girls in our class, if I might say so.”
Hmmm.
I take back everything mean I have ever said about Facebook.
Facebook is the greatest thing that ever happened in the universe.
And every single thing on it is TRUE.
It’s a brave new world, Ellen, and bravo to you for trying to navigate it.
Yes, it brought you into my life, Dr. Huxley. Love, The College Widow
Much of my adult life has been living vicariously through my children. I think it peaked during junior high and early high school when I was their main source of transportation to get to parties and of course all traveling sports, Hebrew/Sunday school, etc. The beauty of this was that I knew what was going on in their lives by overhearing all of the conversations in the back seat. Although I am still close with them – I follow them on Instagram to get small glimpses of life as they see it (a picture is truly worth a thousand words). I never post to this, Facebook, or Twitter, etc. but still enjoy the vicarious thrill these pictures give me. Through the comments and “likes” by various friends of theirs – it gives me greater insight into their world.
I can understand that. And Parker is adorable and that a real-world “like.” See you soon I hope in it. Thanks, Doc.
Ellen, love or is that like your Groucho reference and the Cosby one too in the reply to George.
Who cares? I can never have too much approbation. Love, Margaret Dumont
What in the world would baby boomers on the creative side of life do without adult children to teach us about this new world. One of the great reasons for continued propagation of the species. While it is great fun to be able to get glimpses of your children when they all live so far from home, I agree that most of it seems incredibly self indulgent….of course when one is trying to promote their own business venture. Then, it’s wonderful. Like most things in life, a little bad goes with a little good.
Happy Sunday Morning!
Scott
Thanks, Scott. You’re right of course. The pain is worth the gain. And I do like the Truex line, btw. It’s a smash. Really. Not just FB like.
BTW Ellen, you are now part of our Sunday morning routine. Sunday Morning with Charles Osgood, lox bagels and coffee, Letters from Elba and yes the New York Times.
With much love Otis B. Driftwood
I SO approve this comment. Rufus T. Firefly
I had the same reaction to Facebook about 2 years. My 3 grown children kept after me for a long time to “get with it”. I finally gave in and now it is part of my daily routine. I have been fortunate to reunite with old friends and more importantly I can keep up with my 2 out of town Daughters and 6 Grandkids in Tennessee. Don’t get me wrong, I am not a fanatic like some on FB, but I do enjoy sharing pictures and sometimes ideas. The only thing that really bothers me about Fb is that the girls I used to date got really old….I haven’t! P.S. I didn’t start texting until last year. Oh well, as they say in the texting world, OMG and LOL.
Yes, it really connects the faraway family and friends. For that it’s super. And yes, all those gals aged, and yet somehow, you didn’t. Nice. Good genes or good docs? – as they say in Hollywood. Thanks, Steve.
Like
Nice. (And you’re one of FB bonus babies, John.)
Being an old man now, I rely on my three sons for stuff like FB. Mitchell is coming over one of these days so that the old man can get with it. Allan
You old? No way. The rest of your comment belies this. You’re the youngest kid on the blog. Thanks, buddy. See you on FB.
Ellen,
You knew THIS was coming……:
I don’t tweet, text, Linkdin (is that spelled correctly?), Face Book, etc. And, I did fine in business.
I don’t care if you’re taking a crap now, or getting into the shower.
I don’t play Bridge, Canasta or Rummyque (is that spelled correctly?), or ski the sloops of Vail.
I play Texas Hold ’em with my neighbors at our clubhouse every Monday night.
I CALL my daughter. I email my daughter.
I CALL my friends and read the wonderful articles from Ellen on my email.
I use the internet to read opposing arguments, in addition to watching FOX.
So, if you want to talk to me and say “Hi”, or TELL me you’re going to the John now, you know how you can get a hold of me. But, I don’t have to know IMMEDIATELY what you’re up to.
And, if you ever decide to put your terrific writings on anything but email, I won’t be available to read them.
So, for now, I’ll be in the shower!! Email you later………….
Come on, Bernie. Tell us how you really feel. Don’t hold back.
Denying the effectiveness of social media at this late date is kind of like still doubting climate change or believing the sun rotates around the earth. You can hate it if you want, but like radio then TV, it changed how we communicate. And any businessperson who thinks they can operate around it is heading the direction of the buggy whip or 8-track tape.
Thank you Voice of Reason. Now DUCK!
No one is denying “climate change”. The climate has been changing for eons. However, to say humans are totally or ENTIRELY responsible, is also short sighted. In addition, to say that we humans can do anything drastic about it, is dumb. But, it was a nice try, anyway.
The radio and television did not change how we communicate with EACH other. i.e. Radio and television did not change how I communicate with YOU. The biggest change from radio to television is how we became entertained.
Somehow I knew I’d hear from you this morning. You never let me down!
And yet here we are – disagreeing on a subject on a blog, which is a form of social media. I rest my case.
Touché, mon capitaine!
Through E-mail. Not texting or tweeting or Linkden (which I said I don’t do)or RADIO or TV.
I rest my case. See how easy that was?
“Are we ready for the next ICE AGE”?…..Time Magazine, April 1973.
I’m willing to call it a day. Both your honors have been avenged.