First, let me start by giving a shout out to my sister-in-law, Mary Lu. Her latest venture- the Tina Fey musical Mean Girls- just opened on Broadway. The critics thought it was fun and raved about the ultra-talented cast.
Next time you’re in the Big Apple, drop by the August Wilson Theatre and see for yourself.
But all this well-deserved hoop-la got me thinking about…
Mean Girls.
We all know them. The bossy, uber-cool “Queen Bees” who made the rules and passed the judgements and determined if your girlhood experience was heaven or hell.
Every (former) girl alive has her own personal “Regina George.”
In case you’re not familiar with the movie Mean Girls, (What?!? Were you home-schooled in Africa or something?) Regina is the blonde alpha female running the neatest clique at North Shore High. She’s beautiful, smart, sneaky, and possesses a knockout wardrobe and a nitwit mother who wants to be her BFF and hasn’t the faintest clue as to what she’s hatched out.
Regina is the arbiter of cool- and the gatekeeper.
She decides who’s in and gets to sit with her at lunch.
Or who’s out. Doomed to live a lifetime (four whole years) of social ignominy banished to “geeks and freaks” section in the lunchroom for eternity.
And for some mysterious reason, the other girls accept her reign of terror without question or rebellion.
Regina Rules!
Of course I had my very own Regina. I was a little younger- my girl crush started in sixth grade- but my goddess ran my life.
Her name was Barbara and I idolized everything about her. I worshipped the ground her penny loafers trod on.
I loved and envied her blonde hair, her bedroom decor, her swimming pool, her terrific family- a really great set of parents and two impossibly-sharp older brothers.
Of course, I knew that I could never be as neat as she was. Or as popular. But I was happy just to be included in her charmed circle and allowed to hero-worship her.
I am not exaggerating any of this. My love and admiration were without criticism or limits. Barbara was PERFECT and our friendship was the niftiest thing that had ever happened to me in my entire twelve-year-old life.
I knew that we would be BFF’s forever.
And then, in 1963, right before our first day of summer school before freshman year, I got a phone call.
It was Barbara who matter-of-factly explained that now that we were headed to high school, we couldn’t be friends any more.
I was stunned. But she considerately laid out the reasons that our friendship would now have to end.
- We were of different religions and at NT this mattered. Henceforth she would hang out with the kids from Kenilworth and stuff. I could probably make new friends from Glencoe or something.
- We had different interests and abilities. She was coordinated and cute. I was a bookworm. She’d probably try out for cheerleader. Maybe I could find something to do like the New Trier News.
I listened to this cold-blooded and obviously well-thought-out severance package in stunned silence. I didn’t question her thought process at all. After all, Barbara had those two older brothers and I knew that she knew how things in the high school world worked.
And then she delivered the coup de grace.
3. Oh, and she wouldn’t be seeing much once the actual school year started in September. She and Kim and Cathy had all requested Mrs. Wingler as a home room advisor and they didn’t want me. You know. For all the reasons she had just told me.
4. Have a nice summer.
And she hung up.
That was fifty-five years ago and even though, we made it up after college, I’ve never forgotten how much that phone call hurt me.
And that’s not fetch.
810,
Whew, what a blast from the past! I recognize Kim, Cathy, and Betsy from Avoca, as well as some others who went to other junior highs. For the life of me, I can’t identify Barbara. Where is she? After the 40th NT reunion, 814 mentioned that the best part of the reunion was talking with the Avoca crew, including Barbara. To tell you the truth, at that point I had absolutely no recollection of her and said I hadn’t gone to school with her! I hadn’t seen or thought of her since our 1963 graduation. (I remembered her later.)
Hope your little darlings are all doing well!
824
You are eagle-eyed. Barbara was NOT in the class photo. She was the only girl in the advisory marked as absent. To tell the truth, I’m not sure I would have run the photo if she had been in it. Even after fifty years, I’m not a “mean girl.”
Thanks, 824. We’re all great. And I bet Clara is a “swell girl.” 😊❤️
I didn’t realize Barbara was that mean. Ugh!!! And I can’t see Cathy & Kim saying they didn’t want you.., they were NOT mean girls ever. What ever happened to Barbara at NewTrier? I never heard about her… & where is she in that picture? I believe you came out better than her in life. Hope she isn’t too mean in the Nursing homes we will all be in.
Another sharp-eyed reader. Barbara was NOT in the advisory photo. She was absent that day. And thanks for the laugh, 814. And the disapproval of such bad behavior as you were the most popular girl in our class – and any class. You had more friends than anyone at New Trier and this comment proves why. You can sit at my table in the nursing home any time. 😊❤️😘With much appreciation, 810
The show IS fetch and best of all, teaches the importance of being respectful and kind to everyone. Made for a great life lesson to 9 and 7 yr old Eliza and Suzy. Thanks for the shout out. 💝
You’re welcome, ML. And I think it’s great that your granddaughters got a teachable moment in such a fab way. You are a fetch grandma.
Stupid move, Barbara. You missed out on having one hell of a good friend.
Thanks, Kev. Glad to see that you made it through tax season! Your friendship has been the biggest asset I can declare. And you can sit at my table in the lunchroom any time. ❤️📆
It figures stuff like this happened at NORTH Shore High.
It never happened at SOUTH Shore High.
OF COURSE it did. Sorry, Bernie. Mean Girls went there too, I guarantee it. And if you ask some of your female classmates, I bet they can still name some. 😏
My brother and her brother were really good friends even though he was the star of the football team and my brother didn’t play sports. They never made a movie “Mean Guys” for a reason, not to say it never happens. My first home room class freshman year two guys came up to me and said, “Nothing personal, but we don’t like Jews.” In the end we got along fine until I “hooked up” with a girl one of them was involved with (Taffy O.) Turns out that was worse than being a Jew.
Don’t you mean Taffy M.? And you’re right. I’m still freaked out by your revelation in the lunchroom and now I’m not talking to you. 😲🤬
Taffy M. Sorry to bring up bad memories but I assumed enough time has gone by.
Never! I can still hear The Beach Boys singing “Good Vibrations” as you told me the awful truth. I still can’t get over it. I thought you’d look different or something. Never mention that name again. 😠
Oh Ellen, it was hard not to get tearful when I read about your experience. It’s beyond my comprehension that anyone would treat you or anyone else the way Barbara treated you. It’s also such a shock because I was so oblivious about kids in our schools in Wilmette having different religions. It was so unimportant to me growing up and it still is. The religious differences became more obvious to me at NT but I ignored them. I don’t remember snubbing anyone for any reason. Ironically, the only time I was snubbed was an incident in which I was walking down a long hallway to a classroom at the end with two Jewish girls. I can’t remember what we were talking about but we were chattering away a mile a minute. When we got to the door of the classroom (Dr. Johnston’s advanced history class) there was a friend of the two girls standing near the door. He opened the door for them, walked in behind them, and let the door close so I had to grab it for myself. It was such a surprise, I didn’t know what to think at the time. But this incident was so minor in contrast to yours.
Anyway, I was so independent, I just sort of floated around for four years with different kids from different levels and religions at New Trier. As naughty as I sometimes was during my high school years, it’s likely my criteria for friendship was how fun someone was.
I’d love to know what Barbara’s karma has been like.
I’m not surprised, Susan, that you weren’t a mean girl. And I should say for the record that I had friends of all religions in high school- despite Barbara’s warning. But New Trier was cliquey and I think that’s an universal high school rule. Lines were drawn based around appearance or interests. It’s to your credit that you could and did cross party lines.