Hi, Dear Readers. I’m back. Whew. I really needed that little R and R. Hope you had a great couple of weeks.
And good news, guys. I think the Comments Section has finally been de-bugged. Come on. Give it a try. I need to know if it was Mission Accomplished. Thanks.
I’m sure you all recognize that man in blue in the photo above. He’s a TSA agent and for a single woman traveling alone, he can be a real pain in the neck.
Whenever I travel over a holiday- if I’m by myself- these folks give me a very hard time.
Even with my KTN.
It all started in 2002 when I met up with my kids for Christmas vacation in Hawaii. They were coming from all over and I was headed in from Aspen. We were going to rendez-vous in Maui.
Sounds cinchy, right?
Wrong.
To get from Aspen to Maui involved three flights. Aspen/Denver. Denver/Los Angeles. LA/Maui. There were some looong layovers and the trip took forever.
And to add insult to injury, it seems that single women traveling alone at Christmastime were being flagged as suspect.
So at each juncture, I was stopped, hassled and my carry on thoroughly searched. By the time I got to the hotel, I was wiped out from all the Dramamine- and the sexist profiling.
Finally, at six a.m. Maui time, I collapsed into the bed and gratefully closed my eyes. One minute later, the hotel’s fire alarm went off. I ignored it. I was too tired to move and my last coherent thoughts were “Oh, well. Let the fire kill me. If I burn up, the kids will own the Ritz and I won’t have to get hassled at airports anymore.”
And these days, not much has changed. With Natasha in Boston and Nick in Seattle, I am usually traveling by myself on the holidays.
Case in point: last November I was headed for Seattle. Nick and Missy had put me in charge of Thanksgiving dinner, and to that end, I gave some thought to the tablescape. So into my carry on went Thanksgiving-themed napkins and these.
Turkey napkin rings. Aren’t they cute?
TSA didn’t think so. They pulled me out of the line, gave me a pat down, and rifled my carry on thoroughly. They even went item by item through my makeup case.
I was protesting (quietly) on the sidelines.
“What are you looking for? Those are napkin rings. What do you think I’m trying to do? I’m just visiting my kids for Thanksgiving.”
Grudgingly- after what seemed like an hour- they gave up and with a show of very poor sportsmanship, testily gave me back my disheveled luggage and allowed me to proceed to the gate.
When I unpacked in Seattle, much to my chagrin, I could not find my favorite eyeliner brush. In their enthusiastic search for weapons, the TSA people had lost it.
I was pissed. And when I got back to Chicago, I tried to turn in a claim for it.
Lost and Found Sidebar: Have you ever tried to claim money damages for an item lost by the TSA? Words to the wise: Don’t bother. The paperwork alone will kill you. Not only did they demand to see a receipt for the eyeliner brush but they wanted a photograph of it. I don’t know about you but I usually don’t snap my cosmetic accessories. After bitching and moaning and using a Q-tip for a couple of days, I gave up and ordered a new one from Amazon.
Now with Mother’s Day coming up and another set of airports to negotiate, I’m already bracing myself for the inevitable inconvenient stop-and-frisk moments that await me.
So it came as quite a surprise two weeks ago when I heard my son Nick whistle and go “Holy Shit! Look at this!” as he unpacked at my house for his monthly business trip.
(Yes, he lives in Seattle but his business is headquartered in Chicago. He works remote three weeks a month and then he comes in for meetings Monday to Friday.)
I ran into his room
“This was in my pants pocket, Dude. I didn’t even remember I had it in there,” Nick said in amazement as he gazed at his half-unpacked carry on.
To get the full effect, take a look at this.
Yep, Nick had just flown in from Sea-Tac with a box cutter in his carry on.
Come on!
He’s 6’1″ and looks like a terrorist.
He gets to fly with a weapon and I get busted for napkin rings?
Ain’t fair, Dude.
Now take a look at this poor schmuck. I know just how he feels.
Ellen, just taking a quick break from that Prince tribute crossword puzzle I’ve been working on to check in on whether your new blog site security system is actually bug-free. So sorry to learn that the TSA has you profiled as a potential terrorist. When Deborah was still in kindergarten, they once pulled her aside due to a pair of scissors (used for arts & crafts) in her backpack. Ironically, this was as we were getting ready to fly home from Thanksgiving in Chicago, meaning that the same backpack with the same pair of scissors had not raised any concerns on the outbound leg of our mini-vacation. Don’t get me started on my own experiences, over the years. Later …
I’m so sorry that the TSA purple rained on Deborah’s parade. Maybe you should have driven to Chicago in a little red corvette. I feel for u. Thanks, George.
Welcome back!
Nice to be back. Thanks, bro.
As much as I travel for business and, now especially, for grandparenthood, I have learned to simply “let it go”, KTN and all. Even Andi, who is not as (let’s say) practiced a traveler as I has decided to bite the bullet and apply for her KTN.
Whenever I think of the TSA, however, I often wonder, what did the TSA people do before they went to work for the Government? Did we encounter them in their prior lives? Now, that’s a scary thought.
Welcome back.
Thanks, Michael. And you’re right. They seemed to have risen to their level of incompetence. Former occupations- mattress testers?
Ah Maui – be still my heart. Makes the California Coast look like pond-water. So nuts about the place I named our first racehorse Hana Road. (Gorgeous, but couldn’t run a lick).
Hopefully, you flew 1st class.
Yes, Maui. A beautiful place. And it was sticker shock for me. Everything there was even more expensive than Aspen! First class? I hope so. I don’t remember. Thanks, David.
And to think there are so many people that want the government to run our health care system.
Sad………..
Thanks, Bernie. I hadn’t made the connection. Nice to see that you didn’t mellow out during my time off.
Given all of the intervening years since 9/11, I remain Stunned that unlike every other business the airline industry and its security accessory — the federal government’s Transportation Security Administration — remain completely immune from the obligation to provide anything remotely resembling a positive experience to its paying customers. Just this week, the U.S. Congress declined an opportunity to impose by regulation MINIMUM standards for the size of an airline seat — reasoning apparently that as long as customers keep buying, the seats must be acceptable.
Free enterprise at its best — or worst.
Bravo, Jack! You’re right on. Everyone we know has these airline horror stories and yet we are helpless to do anything about them. I’m taking the train!
My friends who are frequent international travelers and rarely fly any U.S. domestic carrier cannot believe the abuse and incredibly perverse customer service to which Americans apparently willingly subject themselves. The trains are even worse.
Think of the Eurostar and try to imagine anything remotely similar ever existing here.
We’re a captive audience. Okay. I’m boycotting the train,too. That leaves the Greyhound bus, car trips or just staying put. I’m stymied.