A Bottle of Red, A Bottle of White

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The woman pictured above putting the serious chop on some vegetables is the eminent personification of abbondanza herself- Mamma Leone.

Founder and culinary genius of the eponymous- but now shuttered- restaurant in New York.

Her first customer was Enrico Caruso.  He brought along his pals from the Met and a cooking legend was born.  At the restaurant’s height, they were serving six thousand meals on a Sunday.

That’s a lot of pasta.

I was one of those lucky kids whose first visit to New York City included a compulsory stop at Mamma’s.

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Mamma and her wonderful ristorante came to mind because I recently stumbled upon this on a bargain table of a book shop.

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It was written in 1967 by her son and chef/heir of the restaurant, Gene, and as I turned the pages and savored many of the classic recipes, I started dreaming of by-gone “red sauce” restaurants that are now addio.

Chicago, too, had its share of those wonderful places that live on only in memory.

Andiamo!

Here’s another Italian mama who had a popular restaurant.

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Her name was Fanny Bianucci Lazar and her landmark restaurant was on Simpson in Evanston.

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Fanny’s was known for her “famous” spaghetti, fried chicken (?) and salad dressing.

And although it closed in 1987, I have a bottle of that dressing in my fridge right now,

(No cracks about the “sell by” date.  I just bought it.)

Now let’s head downtown down memory lane.

Shall we start with Armando’s?

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This was a regular Sunday night dining spot for the Roffe clan. I loved their Shrimp Armando, chicken Tetrazzini and the lasagna.

The waiters wore dinner jackets, I think, and when I was a kid I believed this was the height of fifties posh.

(All for $8.95 max, probably.)

When I grew up and got married, my then hubby was responsible for a memorable Italian restaurant introduction of his own.

The Como Inn.

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Joe Marchetti’s baby.  My ex adored this place and went often on business lunches. They had a brown bolognese sauce that was delectable, the kids loved it, and soon it became the Ross Family’s beta version of Sunday Night at Armando’s.

Here’s a menu for old time’s sake.

If Como Inn was all about the rigatoni bolognese for me, another Chicago neighborhood, Bridgeport, once held the breaded steak sandwich of my dreams.  The place to go was what looked like a little old store that had been converted into a family-run eating house.

La Milanese on May Street.

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I went for the arancine, but stayed for everything else.  The steak parm was deelish, the radio was always broadcasting something in Italian and the prices were low as Dante’s Inverno.

I saw lots of cops eating there.

I also saw lots of carryout destined for Eddie Einhorn and Jerry Reinsdorf, too.  This place was handy for Comiskey Park and the bosses knew a good thing when they found it.

But no trip down pasta e fagioli lane would be complete without a tribute to my favorite old-school Italian restaurant of all-time…

Febo’s.

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Located at 2501 South Western Avenue, it began life as a boarding house for Italian immigrants.  Presto it became a restaurant that was “famous for nothing.”

This was their motto proudly emblazoned on menus and matchbooks.

Their menu also bore the credo “Una cosa che piacie non fa danno.

(Very) loosely translated this means “A thing that tastes good can’t hurt you.”

Nothing hurt less at Febo’s than their minestrone soup, a great little house salad, crunchy sort-of deep-fried parmesan-crusted veal parmigiana with crispy slivers of mushroom atop it, and to start it off ambrosial pizza bread.

THE BEST EVER.

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What I wouldn’t give for just one more piece.

Che Peccato.

Oh well. When I get really nostalgic, I can always rely on my new/old cookbook.  And this looks like the perfect place to start:

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And next time I whip up a big batch, you’re all invited for a bowl of pasta fatta in casa.

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Now how about some music with your dinner?  This lounge singer is not Italian but I hear he’s pretty good.

(And don’t forget to leave him a little something in the tip jar.)

Ciao tutti!

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Posted in food, Memoir, Restaurants | 23 Comments

Want Ad

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Attractive Man Wanted As Escort.  Must Like Fireworks.

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If so, DWF seeking DWM to accompany her to a family-centric, first birthday/holiday celebration at a beautiful lake-front country club on Chicago’s North Shore.

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Must have own car and own hair

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All inquiries will be kept confidential.

No Married Men Need Apply.

Looking forward to a fabulous Fourth.

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Posted in Dating, pop culture | 4 Comments

Welsh Witch

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Tuesday May 26 was Stevie Nicks’ 67th birthday.  In honor of that milestone, let me take you all back to 1976.

Here is her first appearance ever on television with Fleetwood Mac. They’re doing Rhiannon on the Midnight Special.

Remember, this is a year before their Rumours album was released and became the monster hit that we knew and loved.

And owned.

(Rumours remained the number one album on the 1977 charts for 31 weeks.  It charted four number one hits, and to date, it has sold over 45 million copies, making it the sixth-highest-selling album of ALL time.)

But when this performance aired, most people had never seen Stevie- or Lindsay Buckingham who had just joined the band, as well.

Just imagine you had never heard Stevie’s sultry, raspy, keening, sensuous voice before. Or glimpsed that angelic face.  Or that Farrah Fawcett hair.  Or that black, bewitching chiffon-y shawl.

Or  never caught the steamy, provocative glances between Stevie and hot-licks guitarist Lindsay.

Or heard darling Christine McVie’s haunting keyboards.  Or John McVie’s driving bass guitar.

Pretend you had never even noticed that cowbell waiting to be clanged on Mick Fleetwood’s drum kit.

Or imagine that you had never experienced a “power twirl” in front of a mic stand before.

Here you go.

I’ll let Helen Reddy do the honours.

It’s 1976 all over again.

Get ready to get lost in the drugs, sex and rock and roll of Fleetwood Mac.

(Even if it is early on Sunday morning.)

“Dreams unwind.  Love’s a state of mind.”

And I love you.

Happy birthday, Stevie.

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Posted in Music, Nostalgia, pop culture, Television, Tributes | 6 Comments

Car Accident

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This post is dedicated to my friend John Yager.  Fellow car enthusiast and a true connoisseur.

In 1969, my new husband Billy gave my sixteen year old brother his car. Well, technically he sold it to him at an advantageous, “still on the honeymoon, brother-in-law” price.

A couple of thousand dollars, as I recall.

My brother liked it a lot.  And it took him back and forth to school, on dates, the prom.  You know, typical teenage stuff.

But early on, it was car-jacked.  Somebody stole it and joy-rode around in it for a couple of weeks.

Then, to everyone’s surprise and relief, it got returned (!) in pretty good condition. (!!)

(I think the radio had been removed and the horn never worked properly again, but all in all, it was a miraculous recovery and Kenny was thrilled to have it safely back in the fold.)

Kenny and his reunited car were a happy pair for a year or two more.

And then he got tired of it, or wanted something else, or whatever.

And my parents sold it.  Probably for what they had paid Billy for it.

No big deal.

Fast forward to now.

This was the car Billy handed down to Kenny.

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For the non-car buffs amongst you, this is a 1965 Shelby GT-350.

According to Bloomberg.com, today worth in the $150-200k range. (In great condition- and a radio.)

Kenny and I are still heartsick over this total lapse in car-ownership judgement.

Are there two sadder words in the English language than “If only…?” ***

***(Well maybe.  “What party?” has always been a contender in my book.)

Here it was.  The Norman Rockwell painting hidden in the wall, the Rembrandt etching in the attic, the Hope Diamond at the yard sale, the $200,000 patchwork quilt on Antiques Roadshow.

The big one that got away.

Gentlemen, start your handkerchiefs.

I’ll never get close to a car this valuable again.

This is what the new version of the Shelby looks like, btw.

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Sweet.

If someone wants to sell it to me at a “honeymoon” price, I’m game.

But truth be told, I’m more of an Audi girl.

And the next time I go shopping for one, I want to buy it from dis guy.

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Posted in Cars, pop culture | 22 Comments

Exit Plan

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This past Tuesday, May 19, would have been Nora Ephron’s 74th birthday.

My heroine.  Gone way too soon.

But I read recently that she had kept a file on her computer labelled “Exit.”

(She herself had pilfered the idea from Henry Grunwald, former editor of Time Magazine.)

In the document, she meticulously limned out in detail all the desired particulars of her funeral.  The Where, the Who, the What.

All that was missing was the When.

Nora’s memorial service was held on July 9, 2012 in Alice Tully Hall at Lincoln Center.  (In New York City.  But I didn’t have to tell you that.)

She specified the choice and order of speakers- among them, Martin Short, Tom Hanks, her sister Delia, Mike Nichols, Meryl Streep and Nora’s two son’s, Max and Jacob Bernstein.

Here’s a bit of Tom Hanks’ tribute.

She chose music by Cole Porter.

Her flowers were enormous bouquets of hydrangeas with full clutches of berries and leaves to match her East Hampton garden.

The guest list was kept down to 800 of her close friends and family. In other words, the elite of the artistic, social and political worlds.

The program bore a wonderful photo of her and a treasured recipe.

She even stipulated the length of the service- forty-seven minutes.

And when the guests filed out, they were greeted by waiters bearing glasses filled with Nora’s favorite pink Champagne.

Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been to a few memorials lately, but I really like the idea of DIY-in-advance funerals.

Here’s my estate plan.

When I bite the earthly dust, I do not want to be planted in it.  I want the shake ‘n bake.

I know. This burnt offering does not appeal to everyone but it suits me down to the ground. (Sorry.)

Then I want my cremains to be equally divided into two portions.  I want Nick to take half of me and throw me down Gowdy’s- a gnarly run on Snowmass Mountain.

And I want Natasha to take the other half of my ashes to my beloved Florence and toss me in the Arno.

I’ll give her a list of great places to buy gloves and jewelry.  And the names of must-visit ristorantes.  Starting with this one.

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As to the service, I want a party.  I love throwing a party and I want this last bash to be no different.

Flowers?  Red RED roses everywhere.

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Music?  Happy Trails To You.

The caterer?  I’m temporarily stymied on that one.

Does anyone remember Patrick Collins, the very exclusive caterer?  He had some racket going.  You couldn’t call him. His number was unlisted. You had to be recommended by another client.  Then he decided if you were party-worthy or not.

We must have made the grade because he did a fabulous party for us in Winnetka years ago.  Followed by a fabulous bill.

Which we paid promptly.

A YEAR later, Patrick still hadn’t cashed our check.  His dilettante way with money matters was screwing up the household books.  My annoyed then-husband made a call only to find out that Patrick had gone back to Ireland with lots of checks still uncashed.

To this day, I have no idea if he ever cashed ours.

So at the moment, I don’t have a favorite caterer to do my farewell party. That’s ok.  I’m leaning towards Superdawg or Beinlich’s doing the food honors, anyway.

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You’re all invited, by the way.

(But I haven’t picked the speakers yet so don’t RSVP any time real soon.)

Happy Memorial Day, everyone.

Now take a look at this clip.

I know Nick has seen it but I just want to remind him.

A cautionary tale, if you will.

Nick does call me ‘Dude,” after all.

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Posted in Memoir, Movies, pop culture, Tributes | 18 Comments

Diversity

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PC WARNING:  This post was inspired by Louis C.K’s “mild racism” riff on last week’s SNL.  It got me reminiscing.

In case you aren’t from Chicago, this is Francis Parker School.  From pre-K to high school, it is one of the premiere seats of learning in Chicagoland.

Founded in 1901, it is located at 330 West Webster Avenue.

According to its website, “Parker seeks a diverse group of students to join our community….Our students benefit from an accomplished and inspiring faculty, an exhilarating curriculum and a vast array of arts, athletics, student clubs and activities…In a quickly changing world Parker students remain intellectually agile, connected and discerning about what is important.”

It is a private day school.

Tuition this year for grade 11 is $34,270.

This is Paul Robeson High School.

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Formerly known as Parker High School.  (It changed its name is 1979.)

It is located at 6835 South Normal Boulevard in Chicago.

According to its website, “Paul Robeson’s mission is to provide a high quality and comprehensive college-preparatory experience to every young man or woman who attends our school…While most of Robeson’s students come from economically and socially disadvantaged households and trailing in many subject matters, Robeson remains in the forefront for preparing each student for post-secondary success and beyond!”

It is a public day school.

The tuition is free.

Back in 1969, my parents and my then-fifteen year old brother had just moved back from California.  My dad’s job had vanished- along with his promised stock options- when the company where he worked sold out to a bigger corporation.

At fifty, he figured that starting over would be easier back in his old home town.  He had lifelong business connections here and a ton of good will.

And my mother missed her family, Kenny wasn’t enamored of Birmingham High and I was getting married in July.

So they moved into the Belden-Stratford Hotel on Lincoln Park West to map out their futures.

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(My brand new bridegroom and I also moved in there as we waited for our apartment to be finished.  My very first days as a bride- learning to cook, hosting dinner parties, keeping house, feeling so grownup- took place in an apartment on the eighth floor.)

While my father plotted out his new career, my brother needed to enroll for his junior year in high school.

My mother wasn’t too sure if she wanted to move back to the suburbs so my brother could go to New Trier as I had done.  He wouldn’t turn sixteen until October, and she wasn’t keen on the prospect of driving him back and forth to school every day.

Her thoughts now turned to high schools in the city.  And back in those days, that meant private schools.

Given the proximity to the Belden-Stratford, naturally her first choice was Francis Parker.  It was only 0.10 of a mile away.  Kenny could walk that easily.

She shared these thoughts with Kenny and my dad.  My dad was okay with it- provided he could swing the tuition.  Kenny was willing to look into it, too.

And so my dad got deputized to check out Parker and look into the enrollment process.

He dutifully did as he was bid.  He went to the school, checked out the campus, met with the principal there and asked about Kenny’s chances of being accepted.

(And how much it would cost if he did get in.)

The principal was confused.  Really baffled by my father’s questions.

And rightly so.

My father had gone to the other Parker.

It finally got straightened out and a good thing, too.

My father could afford it alright but I don’t think Kenny could ever have made the team.

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Posted in Chicago, Education, Memoir | 18 Comments

Salad Days

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At long last the temperature here in Chicago is forecast to hit 80 degrees today. Yeah!  So my appestat automatically dials down to lighter fare.

And that means only one thing.

Salad.

Whether it’s Caesar, chopped or spinning, I love salad.

It’s my favorite course of any meal, and if you share my passion for great Green Goddess, vibrant vinaigrette and thrilling Thousand Island, grab a chilled salad fork and dig in.

My never-ending pursuit of the perfect salad must begin in the heart of America’s salad bowl- California.  It seems to me that more legendary salads have been born there than in any other locale.

I’ll start by paying tribute to my all-time number one personal best- the Cobb Salad.

Created by restauranteur extraordinaire Robert H. Cobb, founder of Hollywood’s famous Brown Derby, this classic recipe contained romaine lettuce, head lettuce, chicory, watercress, chicken breast, bacon, tomato, avocado, and Roquefort cheese.

No too revolutionary in the ingredients list.  But Bob’s big idea was in the chopping.

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When chopped and served with a great dressing- or two- it’s a culinary masterpiece.

Mr. Cobb can be proud that his namesake has gone on to feed generations of skinny women everywhere at lunchtime.

Now let’s take the Rolls and valet park it at the Beverly Hills Hotel.

Home of the famed Polo Lounge and the McCarthy Salad.  (Named for Neil- not Charlie.)

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The Polo Lounge added beets to its bowl and served it with a “Lorenzo” dressing.  It’s a worthy descendant of the the Cobb.

All Salad Politics Are Local Update: Remember Cesar Chavez and the grape boycott?  The Beverly Hills Hotel had been under justifiable fire because its owner, the Sultan of Brunei, has heinous anti-gay policies. Many charities and Hollywood big shots had shunned the hotel for this reason.

However Hollywood Reporter recently wrote “The siren call of those McCarthy salads at The Polo Lounge is just too tempting.  Less than a year after Hollywood loudly boycotted The Beverly Hills Hotel, after its owner the Sultan of Brunei, implemented the anti-gay Sharia laws in his country, some industryites are creeping back.”

Up to you and your conscience now, I guess, if you want to make green peace with them.

Okay here’s a place that won’t test your principles.  Because it’s gone away.

My favorite favorite restaurant of all time in the United States- Chasen’s.

It was the home of the world’s BEST vinaigrette dressing.  It was a powerful heady brew- mixed up in a wooden bowl and redolent with nameless spices and odd and ends that I could never quite recognize, but adored all the same.

It had a big, bold taste that could stand up to the cracked pepper- spooned, not twisted out of a mill- by the waiters at table side.

Chasen’s even let me create my very own salad- chopped watercress, avocado and artichoke hearts- and it was divine.

(But then that vinaigrette would have made cardboard taste terrific.)

From my dearly departed Chasen’s it’s only a quick seven minute drive to La Cienega Boulevard and…

Lawry’s The Prime Rib.

Also home to the spinning salad bowl.  I love this salad.  Although it’s not chopped, it too has beets, sourdough croutons and a terrific dressing.

I know that Lawry’s is famous for its prime rib.  Me?  I come for the salad bowl and stay for the Yorkshire Pudding.

But if you can’t get out to Cali, here’s a DIY version that’s pretty darn close.

Back in the day, the Racquet Club in Palm Springs also made a heck of a fine chopped salad. With some kind of citrusy dressing.

Here’s my friend Joan Arenberg and I there in 1982.  I know what I ordered for lunch that day.

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Photograph by Henry X Arenberg

Now let’s fly across country.

On the East Coast, a couple of salads really stand out.

If you’re in Florida, head to Ybor City near Tampa and check out Columbia Restaurant.

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Columbia has been operating since 1905.  And for me their Cuban-influenced salad- filled with chopped ham, olives, cheese and tasty spices- is the reason why.

A few husbands ago, I lived in Baltimore, Maryland.  Back then, it was a pretty dull restaurant scene.  (Unless you liked crabs.)

One way my then-husband kept me happy was Chiapparelli’s salad. Yum.

These days, closer to Chicago, I have a problem.  So many of the great salads that made me go limp as old lettuce are no longer around.

They exist only in my memory.  And maybe yours.

Remember Al Farber’s?  The classic steak house in the Belden-Stratford Hotel on Lincoln Park West? Although famous for its char-crusted steaks, they really understood greens.

Their Roquefort dressing won prizes, their tomato and onion salad was a poem and their Thousand Island heavenly.

(And speaking of Thousand, remember the old Erie Cafe’s version?  It was terrific, but these days, E.J’s Place in Skokie comes pretty close.)

Don Roth’s Blackhawk might have been the inspiration for Lawry’s spinning bowl.  They do share most of the same ingredients, and the Blackhawk did it first.

And though I usually don’t go in for bottled dressings, nostalgia forces me to confess that I have a bottle of it in my fridge right now.

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I know a guy who gets all misty-eyed just at the thought of the “Do-It-Yourself” salad at the old Prime Rib.

And the Black Angus used to work wonders with Green Goddess as I recall. Today G.G. is pretty darn good at Northbrook’s Di Pescara.

As long as we’re on the Lettuce Entertain You bandwagon, I still like an old favorite- the Maggiano’s salad.  The crispy prosciutto and red onions really stand up to the zesty house dressing.

And Hole in The Wall in Northbrook tosses a mean Italian salad bowl, too.

They say that Christopher Columbus brought lettuce to the New World.

But who was the genius who remembered to bring the ranch, creamy garlic, poppyseed and Russian dressing to our shores?

I tip my salad tongs to that guy.

I think he deserves a day to celebrate his truly important discovery.

Now where did I put that salad spinner?

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Posted in food, Memoir, pop culture, Restaurants | 6 Comments

“Fuck You” Money

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This is the new Rolls-Royce Wraith.  The Wraith is a V-12, 642 horsepower, two door sports coupe with 2+2 seating and suicide doors. It is controlled by an eight-speed automatic transmission.  Combined fuel economy is fifteen miles per gallon.

The Wraith starts at $294,000 but this is the “Inspired by Fashion” edition.

The exterior is in Andalusian white. The interior is stark arctic white and onyx with embroidered headrests, a jeweler’s clock and a steering wheel cover invisibly hand-stitched by seamstresses at the factory in Goodwood, England.

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This model will set you back $362,005.

If cars aren’t your jam, how about this Patek Phillipe sports watch?

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Technically it’s the Patek Phillipe Reference 130 Mono-Pusher Chronograph in Steel.

It just sold at auction for $4 million Swiss.  (After commission and exchange rates, that’s $4,987,000.)

Or if fine art is more your thing, take a look at the recent Christie’s auction of Picasso’s 1955 “Les Femmes d’Alger (Version “O”).”

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The winning bid?  A record-breaking $179,365,000.

And what do these three fabulous-but-non-essential luxury items have in common?

Their proud new owners must have “Fuck You” money.

It’s my favorite kind.

It means you can take risks, never check a price tag, and most importantly, not take any guff from anyone.

This last is what makes it so attractive to me.

It’s easy to spot the people who possess it- if you know what you’re looking at.

They have an insouciance, a “je ne sais quois” quality that simply bespeaks confidence.

It is not the same thing as entitlement.  Those guys are jerks- whether the are sixty or six.

“Fuck You” money has confidence, style and generosity.

Two examples:

Hungarian-born, London-based legendary movie producer Alex Korda was famous for his great films, beautiful women, fabulous yacht (Elsewhere) and lavish living.  He was also a great boss.

I’ll let his nephew- author and editor Michael Korda- tell the story.

Sir Alex was trying to coach author Graham Greene into writing a film. So far, Greene had only written one sentence on the back of an envelope.

I had paid my last farewell to Harry a week ago, when his coffin was lowered into the frozen February ground, so that it was with incredulity that I saw him pass by, without a sign of recognition, among the host of strangers in the Strand.”

(Movie buffs will, of course, recognize the genesis of The Third Man.)

But despite the repeated pleading of Sir Alex and Carol Reed, the author could never seem to get past this beginning, and so the rest of the story seemed to be destined for oblivion.

Until one night the group aboard Elsewhere made anchor at glorious Capri at sunset.  The isle was looking its magical best and Graham Greene sighed wistfully and said, “I should give anything to own a villa here.”

The next morning when Greene unfolded his breakfast napkin, an old-fashioned iron key dropped out.

“What on earth is this?” he inquired.

Sir Alex smiled.  “It’s the key to a villa in Anacapri,  Quite a nice one.  I had myself taken ashore last night and I bought a villa.  It’s in your name, dear boy.  Now I want the rest of my story, please.”

And that’s how we got the great movie- zither music and all.

Hungarians aren’t the only people with “Fuck You” money élan.  Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe knew how to handle it, too.

In 1960 they were in London enjoying their fame and fortune as the lyricist and composer of the world-wide smash hit musical, My Fair Lady.  Their venture was not only critically acclaimed but simply coining money.

The two proud papas celebrated over lunch and then Lerner wanted to go to the local Rolls-Royce dealership to buy the brand-new convertible model.

When they arrived at the showroom, the sales manager quickly explained that the new convertible he wanted would take eighteen months to complete.  He then produced a sample book and Alan Jay picked out his colors.

“Hey, you ought to get one, too,” he suggested to Fritz Loewe.

“I already have one,” the composer said.  “And I don’t want another one.”

“By the time eighteen months goes by, you’re going to want one of these,” Lerner pointed out.

“Okay, let me see the book.”  And Loewe, too, picked out his exterior and interior colors.

And now it was time for the deposit. Fritz Loewe whipped out his checkbook.

“Wait a minute!” cried Alan Jay Lerner.  “I’m buying these.  You didn’t even want one.”

“No, I’ve got this,” said Fritz, grandly waving his partner away.

“You got lunch.”

“Fuck You” money.

When you got it, flaunt it, baby!

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Posted in Memoir, Money, Movies, Music, pop culture | 18 Comments

Casual Friday

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In case you can’t figure it out, that’s yours truly in the middle, Natasha Ross Tofias on the left and Nick Ross on the right.  This photograph was taken Friday night at EJ’s Place by our dear friend Lili Ann Zisook.

We were celebrating Mother’s Day. Yeah, on Friday.  Not today.

The kids- plus their spouses Zach and Missy- had come in from Boston and Seattle for the May seventh memorial service for my dad.

(Zach and Missy were not in this photo because at this very moment, they were making their way to the bar. The check had been paid at our promised table, but the people were taking their own sweet time about vacating.  “Drinks on the house” was the reward for our patience.)

It’s been a long time since both my kids have been in Chicago at the same time.  And it was a terrific, fun-filled, couple of days.  A whirlwind of kissing, hugging, smiling, long-lost cousins and friends to see, baby Sam to show off and lots of eating.

Natasha and Company were going back on Saturday, and Nick and Missy were heading west early Sunday morning.  So if I wanted a Mother’s Day dinner, it was going to have to be on Friday night.

So be it.

Nick worked all day Friday.  Then Missy stopped by his office for a brief post-work company party.

Then they picked me up and we met Natasha and Zach at the restaurant.

(Sam was being babysat by five woman.  Patti and Amy- Natasha’s sisters- and three of their teenage kids- Sam’s cousins. Nice ratio.  I felt pretty sure he was in good hands.)

We had a delicious dinner and a swell time.  Missy and Natasha gabbed away about who-knows-what.  (The joint was jumpin’ and NOISY.)  Nick, Zach and I talked politics, the earthquake in Nepal, the Germanwings disaster, the mismanagement of relief dollars to Haiti, Jay Z versus Kanye, and the Patriots versus the Seahawks.  (We’re all on the same page about Deflate Gate.  We don’t care.  Tom Brady is the man.)

But then Nick uttered a remark that really made me laugh- and think.

“I’m sorry I’m so under-dressed tonight.  I came straight from work.”

Zach- nattily attired in a sport jacket- got the irony of this.

Nick is in a business (he makes apps for mobile) where he basically never has to don a tie.

Once in a blue moon- if he has a meeting with a client that demands it- he’ll put one on.  But for the most part, jeans and a shirt are de rigeur office attire.

It’s just one of the neat things he loves about his job.

And his industry.

It’s a young industry.  Pretty much everyone in it is young.

Nick, at thirty-five, is the oldest guy in the firm.  Think about that.

His remark brought back memories of Nick’s father, Bill, instituting a “Casual Friday” dress policy at his business back in the day.

It lasted a couple of months, and then he rescinded it.

I asked him why.

“The productivity and attitudes get lazy when everyone is wearing jeans. They’re just not taking the work seriously.  They get sloppy. Nope, it’s back to suit and tie.  No more Casual Friday at our office.”

Nick (and Natasha) had gone to boarding school- St. George’s in Newport, Rhode Island.  It had a dress code.  Jacket and tie for boys.  Dressy slacks, or dresses and skirts for girls.

Natasha liked it.  Both sexes looked so preppy and attractive.

Nick hated it. He was always trying to guy the system.

He eschewed all the handsome Brooks Brothers and J. Press duds with which we had outfitted him, and headed straight to the resale shop at the very first opportunity.

He jettisoned his club and rep ties in favor a of a hideous Donald Duck one- which he knotted and slipped over his head every single day.

He came back to me in Colorado with a good education- and a severe allergy to ties.

Now to be fair, Nick is fine with wearing a suit and tie when the occasion demands it. He’s a grown-up who understands the politesse of the dress code.

But the fact that the tech industry is made up of whiz kids and tech nerds who are wired-in most of the time and not posing for the cover of GQ, made it immensely attractive to my son.

For Nick, every day is Casual Friday.

I sure liked our last one.

And that’s not a casual remark.

Happy Mother’s Day, Dear Readers.  Tie or no tie, I wish you all a wonderful celebration.

Now, take a look at something Nick will never have to do.

I chose it as a Mother’s Day gift to myself.

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Posted in Business, Fashion, pop culture | 8 Comments

Carved In Stone

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Author’s Note:  This post is dedicated to all our fathers.

Today, May seventh, is the one year anniversary of our dad’s death. This is the stone that has just been put up to mark his grave.

You’ll notice the words “Great Guy” at the bottom.  I know.  Probably not traditional.

But when it came time to engrave his epitaph for posterity, out of all the words I had at my disposal, these two kept repeating themselves.

I ran it by Kenny and he concurred.

“Great Guy” just summed him up.

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Here he is at around nineteen or twenty.  Kenny and I weren’t even twinkles in his eye yet.  But this is how I like to think of him. Young, smiling, handsome. He was always that.  To the very last, he looked terrific.  And when he died at almost ninety-four, he had less gray hair than me. Gyp.

He was a fabulous father.  He never said no.

I don’t mean about material things.  He was a hard-working salesman his entire life, and there were times that he couldn’t give us some of the same clothes or trips or extras that many of our other New Trier friends regularly received.

What he gave instead was his unlimited approval and approbation.  He was just crazy about Kenny and me.

His unwavering support was like a blank check in terms of our self-confidence and self-esteem.  Throughout our lives, we drew courage from his limitless affection and his sweet nature.

And he was the same to all he met.

My brother and my dad worked together for thirty years.  I would drop by the office every once in awhile.  Shall we eavesdrop on a typical work conversation I found going on there?

Ben:  Okay, Ken.

Ken:  Okay, Ben.

Ben: (passing an invoice over to be checked)  Here you go, Ken.

Ken:  Thanks, Ben.

Ben:  Okay, Ken.

Ken:  Okay, Ben.

That’s it.

No drama, no conflict, no power struggles.  Just two amiable people getting along with the business of doing business.

His long life, good health and “never say no” attitude came into play when he became a grandfather, as well.

Needless to say, he adored the kids.  Natasha was his first grandchild- and the only girl out of the four still to arrive- and he was always there for her.

The summer of 1999, Natasha had driven with friends from Trinity College in Connecticut to Hilton Head Island, South Carolina. She was a camp counselor down there- running a program for guests’ kids.

As I said, she had made the road trip with several other kids, but she was scheduled to make the 802 mile drive back alone.

Enter my eighty year old father.

Grandpa wouldn’t hear of his little girl driving back alone, so he flew to Hilton Head.

Where he was immediately hit with the news that a hurricane was coming and the island was being evacuated.

Natasha had been mobilized, and she had already packed up her car. She gave him a fast tour, and then it was time to get the hell out of Dodge.

Into the night they drove.  And drove and drove.  The quicker evacuees had already filled up all the hotels and motels along the route for hundreds of miles. “No Vacancy” signs were lit up every where.

My dad was beginning to flag.  Suddenly he spotted a nursing home.

“I’m getting tired, Natasha.  What if I just pull in there and get a room?” he teased.

“But Grandpa!” she said worriedly.  “What if they keep you?”

My father laughed about this gag for years.

Well, in the end, they did keep him.  Four years in a nursing home where the in-room dialysis five days a week was a painful, onerous ordeal.

But it kept him alive, and so that machine was our best friend.

We talked about death once in awhile.  My father saw it as all part of the circle of life.  He felt like he would be making room for some new wonderful soul to claim a rightful spot on earth.

And two months after his passing, this is who showed up.

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(Photograph courtesy of Natasha Tofias)

When I was eight, my dad took me to see the movie, Houseboat.  I loved it, and I never forgot how the writers explained their philosophy of what happens after we die.

I bought it then, and I believe it now.

Our father’s spirit is everywhere.

And that is carved in stone.

Now I’ll let Cary (my dad’s favorite movie star) explain it all to you.

God bless our fathers.

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Posted in Grandparents, Memoir, Tributes | 22 Comments