Private Driver

Do you Uber?  And don’t you love it?  And if you haven’t Ubered lately, why haven’t you?

If you think I’m speaking in tongues, it probably means that you aren’t real dependent on taxi cabs- or any other form of public transport- to get you from Point A to B. But if you’re a city-dweller like me, (albeit the new kid in town) you gotta download this app and give Uber a ride.

Uber is the livery service for the iPhone generation.  Launched in San Francisco in 2009, it was the brain child of Travis Kalanick, an intrepid UCLA graduate and tech startup whiz kid.  He wanted to invent a better, more user-friendly cab company.

And he did.

Uber is now in more than fifty cities and twenty countries and here’s how it works. When you open the Uber app, you get four choices: Uber X ( more about that in a minute) Uber taxi, Uber black car (a limo) and Uber SUV.

You’ve already entered your credit card and home address info when you signed up.  All you have to do now is click on the what you need vehicle-wise to get you to the ball park, the airport, the luncheon, the restaurant, the movie theater, the doctor’s office (poor you) or any of the million city places to which you don’t want to drive- or they have no place to park when you get there.

(Or you’re too darn lazy to walk.  Or, in my case, if the weather is become less walk-friendly with each passing chilly day and long walks are impossible in the Jimmy Choos I put on my feet anyway.)

I always click on Uber X.  It’s a fleet of cars- not cabs- that are owned and operated by people- not cabbies.

They all have GPS, and an Uber meter.  They track you to your location-  pre-set by entering it in, or by moving a little pin icon if you don’t start at home and want a pickup anywhere else.

The moment you set your pickup location and click, they locate you by your smartphone’s GPS, text you a picture of the driver, his car description, license plate number, a way to contact him and an ETA.  (In my case, usually three minutes.  I must live in Uber Central.)

And then they text you the arrival countdown…three..two..one…Your Uber Has Arrived!

You can track them on the app in real time, too.  You can watch as a little car icon makes its way up a tiny street map to find you.   (This year, on Halloween, btw, the little car icon was adorably replaced by a witch’s broomstick.  Aww.)

No more standing on street corners desperately peering in the darkness to see if a cab is empty or not. No more taking your chances the next cab you hail will be driven by a moron- or a maniac.

Once I had one cab driver here who did nothing but apply hand lotion (and if it wasn’t hand lotion, please God, don’t ever tell me) to his hands and arms the ENTIRE time he drove me.  And he talked to himself as he did it.

The Silence of the Lambs’ Buffalo Bill lubricating his victim’s skin was only one of the horrible images that unwillingly leaped to mind before I jumped out of that ride from dark side.

And on the flip but-no-less-uncomfortable side, I had one limo driver who, upon depositing me safely back home from O’Hare, promptly turned around and said,”You very pretty lady.  How old and will you go out with me?”

(The answers were “None of your business” and “No.”)

But here’s the billion dollar Uber IPO pay-off.

They’re cheaper than conventional taxis because their fare is calculated on a mileage basis- not by time.  With Uber X, it still might be a pain in the ass to be caught in a traffic snarl-up, but at least it won’t be a pain in your wallet.

You’re also not paying for a taxi medallion or any of the other overhead big cab companies run up.  It’s just guys with their own Priuses and Civics who are driving for Uber as independent contractors.

And the second best part?  You never have to pay cash. The fare goes directly on the credit card you have pre-registered.

And the tip is included.  (Unless you choose the taxi option.  But I never do.)

For that reason alone, I am all about Uber.  I am so math-challenged that figuring out the tip always makes me hyperventilate.

And before you’ve even sashayed into your destination, your receipt is on the way to your email box.

And even if you don’t sashay- but merely walk confidently- your receipt is still there waiting for that next meeting in your accountant’s office.  (Who, if he’s anything like mine, will be thrilled that you have opted for a more economical mode of transportation.)

It wasn’t ever thus.  In New York City for instance, I have a driver, Bernardo, who makes my life in the Big Apple a better place to be.  (Thank you, Betsy.)

Bernardo and I have been through many adventures together.  Like the time when Nick- then probably eleven- wanted a Sabrett’s hot dog.

On a Sunday morning.

That doesn’t sound like much of a culinary challenge, does it?  But trust me.  New York’s antiquated blue laws still forbade the hot dog carts from making an appearance before noon anywhere in Manhattan.

But Nicky really wanted that hot dog, and Bernardo was determined to get it for him. Natasha, Nicky and I cruised around town for forty-five minutes and then, finally, on Wall Street, we spotted a lone, rogue Sabrett’s vendor brave enough to flaunt the law.

Nick got his Sunday morning dog.  Bernardo had saved the day.

He also would take me on outings and excursions when I had NO idea of where I was going.  Cabs in NYC can be a problem when you know where you’re headed.  I have had many a white knuckle, hair-raising ride at what-seemed-like-ninety miles an hour down Park Avenue at the hands of guys who spoke no English into their cell phones the entire trip.

So it was always a relief to get into a car with someone I liked and trusted as Bernardo and I would head into out-of-the-way boroughs and byways in search of another obscure art gallery or  teensy antiquarian book store I just had to scope out.

He’s the greatest and btw, my relationship with Bernardo has lasted through several husbands.  In fact, in 1996, he was at the “changing of the guard ” as he drove me back and forth from New York City to Highland Falls*** several times.

(***If you don’t know what’s happening in Highland Falls, google it.  That’s not a blog post.  That’s a book.  Or better yet, a movie.)

But I digress.  Simply put, I hate trying to hail a cab and I love summoning up Uber.

Every ride I’ve taken has been terrific.  Clean car, nice driver, no nonsense.  Done.

What could be better than that?

So if you live in a big city and you haven’t installed that app yet, do it now.  One night, as you’re standing on some wind-whipped city street corner freezing your behind off, you’ll be SO glad that you did.

The preceding message was NOT brought to you by your friends at Uber.

But one day Uber just might bring you …

Me.