Our beloved father, Benjamin Roffe, died yesterday- Wednesday, May seventh. He would have been ninety-five on October twenty-third. He went in his sleep- suddenly and painlessly. A good death.
He deserved it. For the last eight years he had been on five-day-a-week dialysis. It had wrecked his runner’s body, and in the end, confined him to a bed in a nursing home. But he never complained.
Not once.
He would sing Cole Porter songs and Tony Bennett numbers and Gershwin tunes. When I’d ask him how he was feeling, he would always smile and say, “Great, babe. I feel great.”
This quiet courage and his sweet unselfish nature were inspirations to my brother and me. And if there’s a heaven, for him it would be Sullivan High School. I hope he’s back there now- hanging out with all his best buddies.
He wasn’t famous or extraordinary. But he never did a mean thing or hurt anybody in his whole long life. He did everything right.
Goodbye, Dad. Thank you.
From Ellen and Kenny.
With love.
Ellen–
What a touching way to inform us readers, to whom you give these interesting, funny, touching and, occasionally, melancholy, sad or bittersweet insights into your life, of your loss. Losing a parent is never easy, and the sense that one — regardless of age or responsibilities (children, work, partner/spouse, whatever) — becomes ‘in charge’ of one’s own life upon being the oldest generation in your own family can be crushingly heavy.
Know that your friends and blog readers are sending tons of support through thoughts and cyber space, and, for those so inclined, prayers.
Celebrate the great about your father with laughter and let the sadness make you cry. Find someone close to hug and share.
Repeat. Frequently.
He’ll always be in your heart and your head, and, though I did not know him,I suspect he is in your blogs. Keep him in all these places. He is there.
With affection,
Michael
Thank you, Michael. For the kind words and good advice. I plan on referring back to both in the days to come. And you’re on target, of course. My father is always right where I need him to be. Love to your wonderful family. Gratefully, Ellen
OMG. What a lovely tribute, Ellen. My heart goes out to you and Kenny and the entire Roffe family. Rest in Peace. Diane Freeman
Thank you, Diane. What a world we live in. I never thought I’d see the day when I post an obituary in a blog….But my readers are my friends- whether I know them or not. And so I had to tell them. Again, thanks for the condolences and your support. They matter so much.
Beautiful tribute to your Dad, Ellen.
As one who had my own father until he was 90 — and
my Mother until almost 100 –I know the joy of having
had parents live long, good lives.
That said — it’s always so hard to lose them.
You, Kenny and your family are in my thoughts
And prayers.
Xox, Bill Z.
Oh darling, Bill. Your kind words and prayers mean so much. And believe me, Chicago and I are so glad that great genes run in the Zwecker family. What would we all do without you? See you soon. And thank you.
Ellen, my deepest sympathy on you dad’s passing. Somewhere he’s looking down on you and saying thank you for a wonderful ride. Allan Oh yes, my older brother had to be in Sullivan at the same time. He would have been 94 tomorrow.
Thanks, friend. He was a great father. Never said “no” to us and was our biggest cheerleader. A great role model. And yes, I’m sure that they knew each other. Maybe they’re catching up now at a “reunion.”
Ellen : Joy and I extend our condolences to you and the entire Roffe family Your father was such a sweet and kind man. We hope your fond memories will help you through this difficult period.
Thanks, Doc. Kenny and I are grateful for the wonderful memories and the support of all our friends. We will be fine. He left us quite a legacy. Love and thanks to Joy.
Dearest Ellen and Kenny,
Beautiful words for a beautiful, kind-hearted, great man. What a handsome one too!
I’m terribly sad for you and Kenny, but you should take great solace for the wonderful care and love you gave him – and was always reciprocated. Like all older parents, if we are lucky enough to still have them, just a song in their heart makes us happy. He was a lovely man who deserved the love that you both showered him with. I know you will miss him terribly. So always remember “Great Babe. I feel great”. Rest in peace dear man.
Can’t gild this lily. Thank you, dearest friend, for your kindness, generosity, way with a word -and the loan of Darlings Julie and Nick. Yes, we are both lucky to have had the fathers we were blessed with. What a great way to start off life with a guy who thinks you’re the top. Who could ask for anything more? (Thank you, Cole Porter and George Gershwin.) And again, thank you.
Very well said. Yes he was and once again thanks for writing on my behalf!
I was going to sign it just “Kenny” but I didn’t know if everyone would get the joke. Glad you approved – and didn’t feel the need to run for the closest thesaurus. Later, bro. And didn’t Dad pick a good day for a send-off? What a guy!
Ellen (and Kenny), I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your father. Your tribute is inspirational and certainly indicative that although you no longer have your dad, you will never lose your relationship with him. Hold it close as I’m sure it will always serve you well. Please accept my sympathy, your friend Gary.
On behalf of my brother and myself, thanks, Gary. Your kind words and sweet thoughts mean so much to us. Now and always. Thanks, my friend. Love to that very cute pooch.
A sadness we all share, Ellen. But so much better to see it from the standpoint of the happiness of having him than of the sadness of losing him. Your father and mine shared a birthday, October 23rd.
You’re so right, John. And he was the ultimate “glass half full” kind of guy. We feel blessed to have had him here as long as we did. Oh, how nice. Your Dad was a Scorpio-cusp I think- like me. Thanks, John. And what’s a nice guy like you doing on a blog like this?
Ken and Ellen,
So sorry……Yes, more people should live to the words and songs of Cole Porter and Gershwin.
“I like a Gershwin tune. How ’bout you”?
What a great generation (WWII), our parents were.
My heartfelt thoughts are with the both of you………..
Thanks, Bernie. And my dad loved Fred Astaire, too. He used to sing “I’m putting on my top hat…” And his last fave was Tony Bennett’s rendition of “Boulevard Of Broken Dreams.” He sang it all the time. Don’t think anybody but you -and Rickey Freeman – will know it. I’ll tell Kenny you sent him your good thought.
Oh dear Ellen & Kenny
I m so sorry about the loss of your wonderful Father . You were so good to him & showed him so much love. What a handsome, sweet, & kind man he was who lived for his family. All of your wonderful traits are from him and his influence on you. I am so sad but content that he died peacefully.
I will always cherish the broom that he gave my Dad which was then passed on to me.
My heart, thoughts, & prayers are with all of you….
Love,
Ellen W
Friend of childhood, neighbor, part of my history. Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot to me-and Kenny. Love that you still have the broom. See you soon.
Sorry to hear about the loss of your father. You and Ken are in my thoughts and prayers.
I’ll tell him and thanks so much, buddy. Your kindness means so much. Now-and always.
Ellen and Kenny,
I’m so sorry for your loss. I actually found out just now by reading the blog. Called Ray but I guess you saw him today. I’ve only hear wonderful things about your dad. What a beautiful tribute. Lots of love to the whole family.
Thank you and loved that Cousin Raymond and his “entourage” were there today. So nice of him to make the trip. Your thoughts and kind words mean so much. And I am eternally grateful to the Sanders/Yanow clan for that wonderful reunion. What a blast.
Ellen,
Your Dad was a hero in my eyes. Always smiling, happy, supportive, caring and funny.
He was lucky to have you and Kenny always by his side. I have such vivid memories of him at every family birthday party and celebration. His joy was his family. He made everyone around him feel special and loved. May warm memories of happier days comfort your heart. Hope he finds my Dad in heaven and they can sing together!
My thoughts are with you dear friend…sending so much love…
Thank you, dear friend. Thanks for the call- today was a little hectic…I LOVE the idea about our two dads. But remember your dad was The Greatest. And how he loved his daughter. Weren’t we lucky?
Ellen, I started to write “so sorry for your loss”…but you Dad isn’t lost, he’s “A Song In YOUR Heart”… where he will be saved forever. Sending my condolences and a warm hug.
You are so right! Thank you, dear Nancy. I truly appreciate your sweet thoughts.
Ellen,
Very sorry to hear about your loss. I remember your father very well from the old days. Always dapper and full of life and I know how special he was to you. My condolences.
Steve Gersten
Thanks my old pal. (Although you’ll be sorry to hear my dad died of the delayed effects of a stroke brought on by your collect call from Winter Park! So it’s really all your fault.) Seriously, thank you. He loved all my high school friends. He was a good guy.
Ellen & Kenny
My condolonces to the Roffe family very sorry to hear about your dad
Thanks, Mark. So nice to know somebody great in Arizona is thinking of us.
Such a nice tribute to your Dad Ellen. He was a warm and friendly man. So sorry for your loss.
Thanks, Grant. Yeah, he was terrific. And he left us a great legacy. No tears for us. Roffe kids would rather celebrate.
I am so sorry for your loss Ellen. I lost my Dad back in 1985 and still to this day think of him in practically everything I do. Just remember, he will always be with you. I’ve got you in my prayers.
Thanks, buddy. For the comment, the good advice, and the prayers. I love knowing that a wonderful guy in Tucson is praying for me; I can use all the “help” I can get! (And while you’re at it, say a prayer for the Cubs- unless this is a serious conflict of baseball interests.)
I’m crying now, that was beautiful. My condolences go out to you and your family. I wish I had known him, but I’m glad I get to know you through your blog.
Tears from across the sea…I’m so touched. Thank you, my “Irish Ellen.” And I’m so happy we know each other. My readers are my friends. They have sustained me these last two years throughout everything. Thanks so very much. Slainte!
Ellen,
I just read this lovely tribute to your father. My (belated) condolences on his passing. And while I didn’t have the pleasure of knowing your father, I can only imagine what a special man he was to have a daughter like you. I wish I had some brilliant words about losing a dad, but I don’t. Keep his memories near and don’t be afraid to cry…often. Looking forward to seeing you and celebrating our dads together. xo
Love, Nancy
Thanks, Nancy. What a nice addition. I plan on heeding your good advice and I look forward to showing you around the HXA Collection.
Nice tribute, short but right to the point. As you know, I had a mother who lived a long and fulfilled life and a father who left us way too soon too suddenly. As I said to my uncle on the day before he passed away last October at 101, “When you see dad, tell him everything turned out o.k.”
Thanks,Fred. Your father’s death seemed way too soon. He was right in the prime of life. So tragic for all when that happens. And my brother Kenny says, “Say hi to uncle Adolph” for him.
Dear Ellen & Kenny,
I am sorry it took me so long to wake up and read this blog. So sorry for your loss. Your dad, Benjamin, sounded like a true Gent ! I love positive people and he was one. May he be with all the other great ones. You wrote a great send off and did him proud.
Holly
PS: Not for blog, which post has the funny story about Pops?
Thanks, Holly. You are so right.